


Passing Notes with Boys

by InLoveWithYourTeeth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Dean, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Cocky Dean, Come Eating, Come Marking, Come Shot, Coming Untouched, Complete, Deepthroating, Dirty Talk, Emotional, Emotional Sex, Emotionally Repressed, Exhibitionism, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Gay Castiel, Happy Ending, Inappropriate Erections, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Light Angst, Lightly Rough Sex, M/M, Matchmaker Charlie, Oral Sex, Protective Sam, Public Sex, Rimming, Schmoop, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Tension, Smart Dean, Smut, Spanking, Top Dean, Underage Drinking, passing notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:00:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4077046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLoveWithYourTeeth/pseuds/InLoveWithYourTeeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is the new student in the senior class of Lawrence High School. When a dirty note zooms across his desk, the last thing he thinks is that he'll fall for its smirking sender. As it turns out, however, Dean Winchester is more than a pretty face with his mind in the gutter and a insatiable drive to get closer to Cas. </p><p>But after a lifetime of constantly moving for his father's work, Castiel is accustomed to only tenuous, temporary friendships. And Dean may seem ever playful and carefree, but his walls are built up even higher than Cas's.</p><p>(UPDATE: July 6, 2015 - This work is now fully complete!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally inspired by [this gifset,](http://jensen-and-other-gorgeous-men.tumblr.com/post/118963056822/begitalarcos-destiel-high-school-au-dean-has-a) except it got _way_ more sappy and schmoopy and plotty.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You can find me on [Tumblr](http://jensen-and-other-gorgeous-men.tumblr.com/), too.

Castiel was just minding his own business, toiling away on his calculus homework, when something hit the back of his head. 

Continually being the new kid in high school was a perpetual pain in the ass. Castiel would know. This was his 17th new school. Castiel was certainly used to being the target of some light, impotent, adolescent bullying, and he knew the best way to nip it in the bud was by standing up for himself. 

Castiel bent down to pick up whatever hit him - intending to lob it back at his attacker - but his fingers froze inches from the ground when his eyes fell on a folded square of paper. 

**Hi : )** \- the outside of the square of paper announced. 

Castiel looked around. Perhaps it was for someone else. Or if it was for him - who was it from? Castiel hadn't made any friends here yet. 

None of his fellow study-hall classmates were looking at him. Half of them were studying and the other half were on their phones, but none of them paid him any mind. 

Cas picked up the note and unfolded it as quietly as he could.

**You're real cute when you grunt like that. Do you sound like that when you come?**

Castiel felt his eyes bug out from his face. He must've been huffing and making noises of frustration at his math homework. He scanned his vicinity again, intent on rooting out the sender no matter how long it took.

But as soon as he looked over his shoulder, he found a set of vibrantly green eyes trained right on him. Green eyes set in the most handsome face Cas had ever seen. 

Castiel whipped back around in his seat immediately. Of course he had noticed the guy before. It's not like you could _not_ notice a guy who looked like _that_. But one look at his leather jacket and his boots and his devil-may-care expression and Cas had written him off as straight. 

Surely, the guy was just watching Castiel's bizarre behavior. The note wasn't from _him_. Cas peeked casually over his shoulder. 

The gorgeous guy was still looking at Cas, but now he had a mischievous smirk on his face. 

Cas dropped his gaze again. Just for a minute, before he looked back.

This time, the guy actually gave him a cocky little wave. 

Castiel turned back to the note on his desk with a thrill in his gut so intense, it almost felt nauseating. The guy was _hot_ but that didn't mean Cas was going to just fall right out of his pants for him. 

**Do you always send unsolicited dirty notes to strangers?**

Castiel covertly tossed the note towards the handsome green eyed man. The little square of paper came tumbling back across his desk almost immediately. 

**Only the really hot ones. What's your name?**

He considered not giving it. Telling the guy to fuck off and let him study. Who was this guy to be so lewd to him, anyway? Well, other than an insanely hot guy who could totally get away with it. It was just study hall, anyway, and Cas was bored. It was his senior year. Plus, maybe, a small part of him really wanted to keep talking to the guy. Maybe a small part of him was so flattered and turned on that he had to adjust his pants a little. 

**Castiel. What's yours?**

**Castiel? For real? Wow, dude, I'm sorry. I'm Dean.**

Castiel frowned at Dean's note, and scribbled back in angry looking script. 

**What's wrong with “Castiel”?**

**Nothing. I just thought a gorgeous guy like you would have some sexy sounding name. Russian maybe. “Castiel” is a mouthful - and not the good kind ; ) Can I call you Cas? How do even pronounce that?**

Castiel smiled at Dean's innuendo, in spite of himself. 

**“Cas” would rhyme with "class." You know, like study hall is a "class" during which we're supposed to study. Not pass dirty notes.**

**Oh. So "Cas" rhymes with "ASS" then? Nvm. I think your name's perfect. It highlights your best feature...well, I dunno, those eyes of yours are pretty fucking gorgeous, too. **

Castiel tried to muffle his laughter but he still got an annoyed "Settle down back there" from his teacher. When Castiel glanced back at Dean, the boy seemed so lit up with pride at having made Cas laugh at loud that it was worth being told off for. 

**Maybe you should be “Cas” and I'll be “Dean.” Because you're such an assbutt.**

Castiel had hardly tossed the note back to Dean's desk when the room rang out with the most pleasant, hearty laughter Cas had ever heard. 

Dean was folded over his desk laughing, and Castiel took the opportunity to visually catalog the freckles scattered across his nose and cheekbones, and his perfect, white teeth. 

"Winchester! Keep it down back there! Don't make me send you to the principal's office again. I'll do it." The teacher threatened. 

Dean struggled to get his laughter under control, wiping at his brilliantly green eyes.

"No need, Mr. Turner." Dean said in a dangerously deep and sexy voice. "I just remembered a really funny joke. You wanna hear it? So, a nun, a car salesman and a prostitute walk into a bar and-"

"Damnit, Winchester. I swear to God!"

Dean raised his hands in surrender. 

"Ok. Ok. Sorry, Mr. Turner."

The class settled back into silence and Castiel wondered if the reprimand from their teacher would stop Dean from sending the note back. The thought was thoroughly depressing. 

But only seconds later, the note landed square onto his desk and almost tumbled off before Cas could catch it. 

**“Assbutt”? You are so fucking adorable. Do you know that?**

Castiel didn't know how exactly he was being "adorable" and didn't really know how to respond to a comment like that anyway, so he changed the subject to something that was nagging at his curiosity. 

**Mr. Turner said he was going to send you to the principal's office *again*. Do you get in trouble a lot?**

Dean's reply didn't come immediately like it usually did. Castiel even glanced back over his shoulder to Dean's desk. His face was bent over the note so that Cas couldn't see it, but his pen was frozen on the paper. 

Castiel turned back to his desk with a thoughtful frown. A minute later, the folded note hit his shoulder. 

**Sometimes. I'm guessing by the sweater-vest number that you're pretty good about keeping your nose clean?**

Castiel wasn't sure what about this note had taken so much consideration, but he replied anyway. 

**Yes. I suppose I am.**

Castiel looked his the words on the paper. They seemed so succinct. Brusque, almost. Final. But he didn't want to be done talking to Dean, even if he _was_ a little lewd and rough around the edges. Castiel considered for a moment before adding:

**I just moved here, by the way. How is Lawrence?**

The tactic worked perfectly. Dean went on a long, rambling explanation of all the flaws and perks of Lawrence. He listed out the best restaurants and the places him and Sammy hang out at on weekends. Which mechanics are a rip off. Which liquor store that takes shitty fake IDs.

Castiel was only really paying attention to one thing, though.

**Sammy?**

Castiel shouldn't feel a twinge of jealousy, but he did. Again, this note took longer than the others, and Cas had to stew in unpleasant curiosity over who "Sammy" was. 

**Oh. Yeah, Sam is my kid brother. He's only a sophomore, but he's cool. My parents aren't really around, so we hang out a lot.**

Castiel felt a flood of commiseration and understanding. He scribbled out a reply.

**My mom and dad got divorced when I was in middle school. My dad is in the military. That's why I've moved about a million times. He's busy a lot and it's hard to make friends when you move so much. It must be really nice to have a brother you're close to.**

**Yeah, the kid's a total nerd. You two would probably get along. So. You enjoying that calculus homework?**

Castiel glanced back to see Dean lifted up in his seat and pantomiming peeking at Cas's desk in an exaggerated manner. Cas curled over his paper. 

**Stop looking over my shoulder!**

**Oh, come on, Cas. Don't be such a prude!**

Castiel huffed a laugh. 

**Alright. You can look, but only if you can give me the answer to 5b.**

Castiel was only joking. For one, he didn't approve of cheating. Also, though he would never admit it, he assumed from Dean's good looks and clothes and attitude, that there was no way Dean would know the answer. A small part of Castiel even hoped Dean would be impressed with the difficulty of his calculus homework. 

Castiel waited a minute, and then two, and then five. He was beginning to worry he had really offended Dean with his snark. When he glanced back at Dean's desk, their note laid ignored at the corner of his desk and Dean was working on something else. Maybe his bragging had been too obvious. Castiel felt ashamed and embarrassed and generally like an assbutt. He was just about to tear out a new sheet of paper to write out an apology, when a new square of paper landed on his desk. 

**I had to get a new piece of paper. There wasn't enough room on the other one.**

Beneath the note was about a dozen lines of calculus worked out in neat handwriting. Problem 5b step by step. Castiel scanned the work. Then he looked at it again. It was right. He couldn't believe what a total ass he was for trying to show off. Time to salvage this disaster of a situation.

**Smart and hot. Some people really do have it all.**

**If I would've known all it took to get you to flirt back was to help you with your homework, I would've done that in the first place. I'm not smart though. I helped Sammy with that shit before, so I recognized how to do the problem. That kid is a total genius. I’m just riding his coattails.**

Of course. The whole family must have won the genetic lottery. 

**He took calculus before you? That's impressive for a sophomore.**

**Nah, I never took calculus. I’m still in struggling away in algebra. Like I said, Sam's the smart one.**

Castiel frowned at the note. That didn’t even make sense. Dean had _just_ used algebra to solve a _calculus_ problem.

**Obviously that's not true. You just solved the math problem I've been working on for an hour, and I know I'm not stupid.**

**Well, no, of course you’re not. I just recognized how to do it though. Because Sam had to do problems that were like that. Integration by parts or whatever. It was monkey see, monkey do.**

Castiel stared at the note with incredulity. Was Dean serious? Cas turned to look at Dean, who was suddenly very interested in looking out the window into the empty football field. There was a blush in his cheeks that made Castiel certain that Dean was avoiding his gaze on purpose. 

**Dean. You learned the mechanics of how these types of problems are solved and were able to identify a similar problem and adapt your understanding to get an answer for that problem. That _is_ knowledge and intelligence. **

**Ok ok. Anyway. You know that movie theater I said was the best? On 8th and Oak? I just remembered they switched out the artificial butter on their popcorn for some all natural stuff that totally blows. So, the theater on J and Pine Crest is the way to go.**

Cas shook his head at Dean's obvious change of subject, but let it go. 

**I appreciate your detailed recommendations, but I probably won't be here long enough to even go see a movie.**

Another long delayed reply. 

**Yeah, that's right. You're probably gonna move again soon, huh? Hey, well, the bell’s about to ring. What are you doing after class? I know all the best secluded closets and unused classrooms around this place, too... What do you say, Cas? Wanna go fuck? : )**

And sure enough, the bell screamed out just as Cas finished reading Dean's note. Castiel felt a clench of arousal in his gut at the idea of having sex with Dean in a broom closet somewhere. 

All of his classmates were talking and packing up their things as Cas turned to Dean. 

"Hello, Dean."

Dean's pretty green eyes widened, and a lascivious grin spread across his face. 

"Goddamn, that's a sexy voice, Cas. And 'hi' yourself."

Castiel held the note up for Dean to see. 

"Subtlety isn't your strong suit, is it?"

Dean's smirk only grew as he shook his head at Cas. 

"You in?"

Castiel would like to say that he didn't even consider the offer. He’d like to say that he didn't imagine those green eyes looking up at his as Dean sucked him off, or Dean's strong hands on his hips as he bent Castiel over the teacher's desk. Castiel would like to pretend that he didn't even consider these things. He coughed and stood straighter. 

"I have to go fail a calculus midterm."

"Aww, come on, babe. Wouldn’t you rather get fucked by me than your midterm? At least _I'll_ make you feel good when I do it."

Castiel couldn't help but laugh. Dean might be downright obscene at times, but he delivered his lines with the goofy, overjoyed expression of a puppy. 

"It was nice meeting you, Dean. I'll see you on Wednesday." 

-

Study hall became Castiel and Dean's tri-weekly, note-facilitated date/flirtation time/heart-to-hearts. The last part of that was the strangest, but most rewarding for Cas. Dean seemed to sort of slip into telling him personal things by accident. 

Like how it wasn't really that both his parents weren't around, exactly, but that his mother died when Dean was young and it was his father who disappeared sometimes for weeks at a time. 

Castiel felt comfortable opening up to Dean, too, in a way he never had with anyone else. He told Dean about how he didn't go to live with his mom after the divorce because she was a religious fanatic and locked him in the closet sometimes when he did something wrong. 

**And then. Well. When I realized I was gay, I actually feared for my life with her around. Her brand of fanaticism wasn't exactly tolerant of...well, anything really. My father may not be around very much, but he went with me to a Pride march, and he left a box of condoms in my bedroom on my 16th birthday, even though I know that must've been so uncomfortable for him.**

**I get it. My old man doesn't know. Maybe he wouldn't care. I dunno. He's pretty old-school though. Sammy knows I'm bi. That kid is practically a hippie, though, I think he'd piss himself with excitement if I asked him to go to a Pride parade with me. But hey, maybe you and me could go together. I bet you'd look hot in one of those leather, bear- daddy outfits.**

Castiel turned in his seat to make a face at Dean, but couldn't help but imagine _Dean_ in one of those skimpy leather outfits. As was becoming increasingly frequent, Cas was getting hard in the middle of a packed classroom. He closed his eyes for a minute and tried to recall some trigonometric identities to calm himself down. 

**Is that what you like, Dean? Bears?**

**I like dorky little dudes with pretty blue eyes and messy brown hair. A cute perky butt, too. Oh and a weird bee fetish, I guess.**

**I DO NOT HAVE A BEE FETISH. BEES ARE VERY INTELLIGENT, INDUSTRIOUS CREATURES THAT ARE IMPORTANT FOR AGRICULTURE, DEAN > : O **

**You're so sexy when you're angry, baby.**

Castiel tried to glare at Dean but it was difficult when he was so darn cute. 

Cas only realized that they were silently staring into each other’s eyes when the bell rang.

"Ugh, will you two quit making eyes at each other all class? I'm gonna ralph."

Charlie, Dean's best friend, was slinging an arm over Dean's shoulder. A difficult task considering she was about a half a foot shorter than him. 

"Oh come on Charlie, don't be jealous." Dean leaned over to give her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

"Ew. Don't flatter yourself, Winchester. I _so_ don't play for your team." But Charlie still grinned indulgently at Dean as if he were a small child.

"I know. I know. Hey Cas, you meet Charlie yet?"

So maybe, in the three weeks since Dean and Cas first started exchanging notes, Cas happened to find out a few things about Dean. It wasn't like it was intentional. Dean was popular. People knew him. They talked about him. Castiel just listened. It’s not like he instantly perked up and paid attention whenever Cas heard Dean’s name... So he knew Charlie was Dean's best friend, even though they've never been introduced 

"Uh. No. Hi, I'm Castiel."

Charlie looked at Castiel like she was fighting the very strong urge to roll her eyes. 

"Yeah. I know."

Cas couldn't be sure, but it looked like Dean elbowed Charlie in the side. She flinched a little then extended her hand. 

"I mean, ohhhh. Hi! I'm Charlie. It is so super nice to meet you Castiel, who is a new student who I’ve heard absolutely nothing about."

Castiel tilted his head in confusion but shook her hand anyway. 

"Don't mind Charlie, Cas. She's off her medications again." Dean seemed to mostly be directing this at Charlie, though. 

"Alright, well....I'd better be going to class now."

"Bye, Cas."

Dean gave Castiel that bright smile that made his stomach flip over, and he felt his cheeks scrunch up in a returned smile. He turned to leave but then Charlie was calling after him. 

"Hey. Cas! Wait! There's a party tomorrow night. You should come."

Dean had mentioned the party already, but Cas had already turned him down, citing his large workload as an excuse. 

"Oh. Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't make it."

"Pfft. What are you doing that's so important?" Charlie asked

"Calculus homework."

"We only have like 6 problems this week AND it's not due til next Thursday."

Crap. Castiel forgot that Charlie was in that class with him.

"AND" she continued "if you're really stumped, this one's a real brainiac at math and science stuff. Not as good as me, of course, but still pretty awesome."

Dean made an exasperated face at Charlie, but Castiel could see his flattered blush. 

"Well..."

"No. Nope. It's settled. Dean told me that you moved into that pink monstrosity on Cedar. Be ready when I get there at 9 or I'm dragging your butt to the car even if you're in your jammyjams with curlers in your hair."

Castiel wasn't entirely sure if she was joking. 

"She's not joking, Cas. One time I overslept taking a nap and she made me go out to her car in my underwear and finish getting dressed in her car so we wouldn't miss the opening credits of Star Wars...uh...I mean. Not that I'm that into that or anything."

Dean rubbed his neck in embarrassment, but all Cas could think about was Dean in his underwear. 

"Uhm. Ok" Cas said, mind half in a completely different world. 

"Awesome" Dean cracked a huge smile. "...it's a toga party."

"Oh"

"Yup."

Dean wiggled his eyebrows at Cas. 

"You're gonna look so hot in a toga."


	2. Chapter 2

This was stupid. Castiel wrestled with the sheet wrapped around his torso. He knew Dean was going to look like some impossibly gorgeous Greek God, and Castiel would look like a kid who had a nightmare and got tangled in his sheets. 

He fiddled with the sheet enough so that only a corner of his bare chest peeked out. Castiel wasn't _skinny_ exactly, but he wasn't muscular. Not like Dean who was solidly built and athletic. He frowned at his bare skin. 

His Rachmaninov ringtone filled the room and Castiel saw an unknown number on the screen. 

"Hello?"

"Heya, Cas. It's Dean"

As if Castiel's heart didn't immediately recognize that voice and start beating double-time. 

"Oh. Hello, Dean. I didn't have your number programmed into my phone."

"Yeah. I...got your number from Stacey."

Stacey was Castiel's chemistry lab partner. They exchanged numbers for class purposes, but Castiel didn't even remember telling Dean that. 

"Anyway." Dean coughed. "We're almost to your place, so come outside."

Castiel frowned one last time at his reflection, then went out to meet Dean and Charlie. Charlie drove a rickety old Taurus that seemed to wheeze its way to Castiel's curb. Dean was stepping out of the passenger side door before the car even came to a stop, face full of the child-like joy of a kid opening a Christmas present. 

Castiel had to suppress a sigh. He was right. Dean looked so attractive it practically hurt to look at him. The smooth freckled skin of his bare chest was illuminated by the streetlights and the lights from Cas's house, and Cas wanted to rub his hands all over that skin. 

"Holy shit, Cas." Dean's eyes were raking over Cas's body. "You look so fucking hot."

Dean didn't even tare his eyes away to yell over his shoulder at Charlie.

"Hey, circle around the block and give us fifteen minutes, willya? I need some alone time with this sexy piece of ass."

Castiel grinned at Dean's playful tone. 

"Ew, Dean! Get in the car!" Charlie yelled from the driver’s seat

"Alright, alright. Rain check on that alone time, ok?"

Dean winked at Castiel and Cas felt like a swooning heroine in a romance novel. 

"Sorry about the crap ride, Cas"

"HEY!" Charlie protested. 

Dean ignored her. 

"I would've driven you in baby, but it's Charlie's turn to DD and she's not allowed to _touch_ baby after...the incident."

"The incident?" Castiel asked

"Dean got sick drunk at a party last year and after I dropped him off at home I _may_ have done a few donuts in the school parking lot. Allegedly."

Dean listened to the retelling of this story with a look on his face like she was recounting the time she went kicking stray puppies, scoffing at Charlie’s plea of innocence. 

"So now we drive in the Taurus."

"Now we drive the Taurus." Charlie echoed. "As in _now_ we drive. Let's _go_ "

Cas climbed into the cramped back seat and Dean bypassed the passenger seat the climb into the back with Cas. It gave Castiel a pleased little thrill. 

The entire ride to the party, Castiel felt electrified by Dean's presence next to him. He could've sworn that Dean was edging in closer in the dark. 

"This isn't Taxi Cab Confessions. PLEASE don't fuck in my backseat." Charlie demanded from the front.

Castiel could feel himself blush. 

"Aww, come on. I'll give you a nice tip!"

"Yeah, and that won't even cover the cost of the _deep_ cleaning that seat would need." 

Dean chuckled lightheartedly, but his hand dropped to Castiel's bare knee and began rubbing soft circles there. Castiel felt his body begin to react instantaneously. 

Castiel shifted closer to Dean and Dean's shoulder pressed into his back. Castiel's breath was getting louder and he was grateful for the old noisy engine. Dean's hand slipped a few inches up Castiel's thigh, dragging the edge of his toga costume along with it. 

All the while, Charlie was asking Castiel friendly, small talk questions. Where he had lived before this. What his favorite movies were. Castiel was struggling to answer in a steady, coherent fashion. 

"Uhm. Cormac McCarthy" Castiel breathed out. 

"Cormac McCarthy....is your favorite food...?"

Castiel could feel Dean's breath on the side of his neck, right behind his ear. He tilted his head back and felt Dean's nose nuzzle into his hair. 

"Oh. No. Uh. Burgers. I love burgers."

Dean wasn't even touching anywhere exciting yet. It could almost be considered friendly. Nearly halfway between Cas's hip and his knee. But Castiel was rock hard and the bed sheet he was wearing hardly hid that. At least the back of the car was too dark for Dean to see anything. Castiel realized this was the part in the conversation where he was supposed to ask Charlie what _her_ favorite food was. He cleared his throat.

"And what's your - OH - ah..."

Castiel bit down on his lip at Dean's fingers ran over the top of his thigh and dipped down between them. Still several safe inches from the good stuff, but enough to drive Cas crazy. 

"...what's your...favorite...uhm"

"DEAN. What are you doing to Cas?"

Cas jumped away from Dean, guiltily. 

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Yeah right. New car rules: Don't molest guests in my back seat. Anyway, we're here so get your boners under control, ok?"

The party was packed with people, so fortunately it took Charlie a good five minutes to find a parking spot. Something that Cas really _did_ need to get his hard on to go down. 

As they made the short walk to the house, Castiel wondered at how he had gotten so riled up by a touch on his thigh. Now Castiel had messed around a little bit with a few people but nothing came to being even a tenth as hot as Dean just rubbing his thigh. 

Oh no. Cas was totally fucked. Totally gone on Dean

"Hey, are you nervous?"

The three of them were outside the house. Charlie had gotten ahead of them and didn't notice that Dean and Cas had stopped. Dean was looking at him with concern. 

"Me? No. What?" Castiel deflected tactlessly. 

"Oh. Ok, you just had this look on your face like..."

"No, Dean. I'm fine."

But Castiel wasn't fine. Because Dean was looking at Cas like he _cared_ and Castiel had just realized that what he feels for Dean isn't friendship or lust - like he had thought. He _liked_ Dean. 

And that was not ok. Castiel's life had to be able to be packed up and picked up and moved out at a moment's notice. He couldn't be forming ties here. 

"Are you sure?"

Castiel rationalized to himself that it didn’t matter anyway. Because Dean might want to fuck Cas, but that's all it is to Dean. Dean wanted to fuck Cas from the get-go and then maybe they formed a bit of a _friendship_ , but that was all. It was a bittersweet consolation. 

"Yeah." Cas managed a real smile. "I'm sure." 

Dean gave him a small, soft smile.

"Awesome. Let me take you inside so I can show you off and make everybody jealous." 

Castiel shook his head affectionately but let Dean grab his hand and pull him into the house. 

The party was jam packed. Hip hop and electronica and pop music blared simultaneously from stereos in different rooms of the house. Dean had to press right up to Castiel, lips brushing his ear, in order to be heard. 

"Drinks?"

Dean pulled back, but not by much. Only enough that he could look into Cas’s eyes, but not so much that their bodies weren’t pressed together. Castiel nodded enthusiastically at him. Dean didn't let go of Cas's hand as they snaked their way through the crowd, but once they got past the kitchen and to the back yard where the keg was, the mass of bodies thinned and Dean let him go. Castiel tried not to feel disappointed, but then Dean was beaming at him so it was hard to feel anything but affection and attraction. 

They filled red solo cups with beer and Dean challenged Cas to see who could chug theirs faster. Castiel kept his expression neutral and agreed.

"Ok. Ready. Set. GO"

Castiel _would_ be worried he might lose because of how distracting it was to see the foamy head of the beer drip from the corners of Dean’s mouth and down his stubbled jaw and neck. Except he wasn't worried. At all. His drink was gone in seconds and he was left with several long moments to appreciate the pornographic picture Dean made. 

Finally Dean lowered his empty cup and took in a big lung full of air. 

"Jesus. Cas. How'd you do that?"

"I'm very good at opening my throat and putting things down it"

Dean's jaw actually dropped, and his eyes went wide. Castiel gave a small smile, and Dean realized he was teasing. 

"Goddamnit, babe, you can't tease me like that. You're gonna make me tent my toga."

Dean grabbed at himself briefly through his sheet to really punctuate his point. Castiel blushed and looked at the crowd around them, but no one seemed to be paying attention. He cleared his throat. 

"No. Uh. Being a military brat, you grow up around a lot of drinking. You learn a few tricks."

Dean smirked at Cas, shaking his head. 

"And here I was worried about taking you to a high school party, but it turns out you're a seasoned drinker." 

"I'm not some baby in a toga, Dean."

"No, you're certainly not" Dean said, as he gave him a good, slow, visual once over. 

They refilled their solo cups and went to mingle. Dean introduced Cas to a lot of his friends - he'd heard about Benny, Garth, Pamela, but there were about a dozen others as well. Most seemed to have some bright spark of recognition in their eyes when Dean introduced him, which Castiel didn’t understand.

After their third refill, Castiel was feeling good. Warm and tipsy but not drunk. Dean seemed to be about the same, and the alcohol made him, if possible, even more outwardly sexual and affectionate. His arm had been slung snugly over Cas's shoulders for a while now. 

"Cas. You are so fucking hot in that toga. Did I tell you that already?"

Cas laughed softly. Shy and flattered and so, so pleased. 

"Yes, Dean. Thank you."

"I'm serious. I always knew you had a nice little body under all those sweater vests, but....damn. I love costume parties."

Castiel looked down at Dean's bare chest.

"Me too" Castiel agreed. 

Castiel's gaze dragged up Dean's chest, his clavicle, his neck, that strong jaw. He found Dean gazing intently into his eyes. There was no sly smirk or raised eyebrows. Dean’s green eyes looked earnest.

"God, Cas, I want to kiss you so bad, right now."

Castiel's breath caught in his throat. Dean had been propositioning Cas for sex since they first met, but somehow wanting to _kiss_ him seemed more serious. More intimate. Something in Cas's chest was bursting out in gleeful song, but it wasn’t supposed to. 

"Oh. Uh. I think I left my phone in the car. Let me go find Charlie."

Castiel twisted out from under Dean's arm and bolted for the front door. He wasn’t actually looking for Charlie, so it must’ve been serendipity because just outside the front door he bowled right into her and a pretty brunette.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Castiel was trying to get out of their way but Charlie's hand wrapped around his arm. 

"Woah there Nellie. What's going on?"

"What? Nothing." Castiel said a little too quickly. 

Charlie didn’t drop her hold on Cas, but turned to the brunette. 

"Gilda, sweetheart, could you give me five minutes?"

The brunette smiled affectionately at Charlie and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Sure thing."

Charlie wasted no time dragging Castiel to a secluded spot like a misbehaving child. 

"Alright, spill."

"It's noth-"

"Wait." Charlie put up a hand.

"I am about _this_ close to getting Gilda Summers to go out with me and I _really_ don't have the time to wheedle it out of you, so let's jump to the part where you tell me the truth."

Castiel hesitated. But Charlie had shown him nothing but kindness and if he didn’t get out some of the thoughts whirring in his mind they might bust start bursting from his eyes and ears. 

"I like Dean" Castiel confesses in a rush of breath.

"Well. Yeah, duh"

"No. I mean, I have feelings. Sexual, romantic feelings for Dean."

"I _said_ 'yeah, duh.' Cas"

"Oh."

"And?"

"And Dean tried to kiss me."

Charlie didn't seem at all surprised by this. 

"Okayyy. And. His breath stinks? He's a bad kisser? What?"

"No! I mean, I don't know. I didn't kiss him." 

Finally, a look of shock. 

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I like him."

"Alright, Cas, you've totally lost me here."

"Because I can't kiss him if it only means something to me. I can’t kiss him if he’s only doing it for..."

"Oh wow. Castiel. I just...wow."

Charlie's face was screwed up in a mixture of sympathy and incredulity and exasperation. 

"What?"

"Go talk to Dean."

"Charlie..."

"Go tell him how you feel. Please. Let's suspend disbelief here and pretend Dean doesn't feel the same way, how do you think he'd react? Really? You think he'd freak out or get mad or hate you?"

Castiel considered this. Dean liked to tease Castiel, and his friends and basically everyone, but Cas had never heard him say a single truly hurtful thing to or about anyone. Dean clearly _didn’t_ like him, not romantically. Dean was a very sexual person, was all, but Dean also was not an asshole. Not cruel or mean.

"You're right. Thank you, Charlie."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some smut!

Finding Dean wasn't easy. No one seemed to know where he was. Cas checked all the rooms but couldn't find him anywhere. For a moment the idea flashed through his mind that maybe he got sick of trying to get into Cas's pants and went after someone else. 

But then Garth had a lead - he had seen Dean hop the back fence that bordered a small neighborhood park.

It was late enough that it was truly dark out, but the moon was almost full so Cas could make his way easily. Just over the fence, there was a well worn trail that seemed only logical to follow. 

As he moved further away, the sounds of the party died of quickly. Cas wasn't sure what he was going to say to Dean, only that he had to find him. Apologize, at the very least. He stumbled a bit in the dark, eyes searching the silver and black landscape illuminated by the moonlight.

"Cas?"

He whipped around to find Dean perched on a large fell tree trunk. 

"Dean."

There was no smirk of Dean's face now, just a small twist at the corner of his mouth. Equal parts smile and grimace. 

"Dude, I'm sorry-"  
"Dean, I'm sor-"

They both started and stopped. Dean cleared his throat. 

"I'm sorry about all the shit I say to you all the time. I don't want you feel uncomfortable, dude. I...I'm sorry about what happened in the car, too. I thought that you wanted-" Dean shook his head. "Never mind. I fucked up, Cas."

"Dean, your sexual advances don't make me uncomfortable. I only left because...because I know that's all it is to you, but that's not all it would be to me."

"What?"

Castiel had to look away from Dean. He was too sweet, too handsome.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I hope you don’t think that my feelings will jeopardize our friendship or-"

"No. Wait. Shut up. You think that's all it would be for me?"

Dean stood up and got up close to Cas to be able to see him in the semi-darkness. 

"Do you think that, Cas?"

"Well...yes."

"You stupid jerk."

And then Dean was kissing him. Plush lips pressed hard into his. Fingers pushing and pulling through his hair, and another hand at the bare skin of his waist. Castiel made a soft little whine and licked into Dean's mouth - causing the fingers on his side to dig eagerly into his flesh. Castiel finally got to run his fingers over Dean's sturdy form, and tug at Dean's short hair. 

Cas broke away, panting. 

"Dean. What does this...? Do you...?"

Dean chased his lips, already addicted to the feeling. But Cas wanted an explanation, so he relented.

"Did you seriously not pay attention to Charlie ragging on me constantly for acting like a lovesick puppy for you, dude?"

Ok, so maybe she had, but...

"I thought she always teased you"

"Yeah, but not about _that_ "

"But you sent me dirty notes the first day we met."

"Yeah, exactly. I do that to every hot person. Or I _did_ before I stopped giving a shit about trying to get with anyone that wasn't you. All the other stuff?” Dean shook his head. “Cas, it’s only you."

And some small part of Castiel was warning him to walk away, to not get attached, because he'd have to leave one day. He always did. But a much, much larger part of him was too overjoyed to listen. He practically jumped on Dean in order to keep kissing him. 

They forgot all about the party. They made out against the tree, and laying in the grass. They ran their hands over each other's bodies and tasted each other's skin. They made out for what seemed like forever and Castiel was drunk on it, and achingly hard. He ran his fingers down Dean's chest, drinking up every sound Dean made. He slid his fingers down Dean's stomach and along his happy trail. 

"Oh fuck. Cassss" Dean moaned into Castiel's neck as Cas's hand wrapped around his dick and began to pump up and down. "Fuck yes, babe. Feels so good. Ungh."

Then Dean was tearing at Cas's toga, trying to get him naked ASAP. 

"Yeah, take this fucking thing off. Wanna feel you. Wanna touch you."

And Castiel was so on board with that, so he stopped jerking Dean off so he could pull his silly costume off. 

"So sexy, Cas. Jesus Christ, you're fucking fine." 

Cas helped Dean get rid of his toga too, and as soon as it was gone, Dean grabbed Cas and dragged his body on top of him. 

There was so much skin, and the chill night air made their shared heat even sweeter. They kissed more. Tender and sweet at times and desperate and forceful at others. Castiel had a one bare thigh wedged between Dean's and the other outside, so that he was practically humping Dean's leg. 

And that was what he was doing, because he was so hard and horny that he had to run his cock along the smooth skin of Dean's thigh or he'd lose his mind. 

But then Dean grabbed his hips and shifted him over, and his cock was sliding against Dean's - hot and slick with Dean's precum. The sensation had Cas gasping at the cold air around them.

"Oh god, Dean. Oh please. Yes. Yes."

"Fuck, you feel good, baby."

And now that Dean's fat cock was pressed all along his length, Castiel couldn’t stop his hips from rutting against Dean. Their cocks were pressed against each other and between their bellies and the slide and friction was utterly perfect. 

"Let me rub that pretty cock all over mine," Dean managed to rasp out. 

Castiel lifted up enough so that Dean could snake his hand down and grasp them both. The increased pressure set them both off - Cas whining in pleasure and Dean's eyes rolling back in his head. 

They were both thrusting their hips now. Fucking into Dean's hand and against each other and there was no stopping it. 

"Oh god. Oh Dean. Yes. Oh. Oh."

"Yeah, baby. Come on me. Come for me."

Dean was working Cas even faster and Castiel felt that unmistakable crescendo and crest and the tumble down into bliss. He felt his dick spurting and Dean working him through it beautifully, easing up slightly but still rubbing and squeezing out every last drop as he came all over Dean's dick and balls and stomach and chest. Castiel rolled off to the side and watched as Dean dragged his already come covered hand through a pool of Cas's jizz on his stomach. Then he started working his own aching erection again, using Cas's come like lube. 

"Fuck yeah. Cas, you're so sexy when you come." Dean groaned – eyes glassy and eyelids drooped in pleasure.

"You like it when I come on you." Cas noted. 

Dean moaned loudly, which Castiel took as an agreement. Dean worked his own dick in lazy strokes, stopping to squeeze the head, before pumping back down. Really rubbing Cas's spunk in. And Castiel knew he’d be rock hard again soon if he watched much longer. Plus he really wanted to see Dean's face as he orgasmed. 

So Castiel sped things up by ducking his head down and licking at Dean's nipple. 

"Oh fuck. Yeah, that's good, baby. Fuck yeah." 

Castiel bit down on Dean's nipple as his hand reached across Dean's chest to pull and rub at the other one. Dean was jerking his cock faster now, and moaning Cas's name. 

"Are you going to come soon?" 

"Yeah, babe, I'm close. Ungh. Yeah. Fuck. Real close."

Cas rolled over so he was straddling Dean and bat Dean’s hand away from where it was working over his erection. 

"What the fu-oh FUCK. Fuck."

Castiel swallowed Dean's whole length down in one go. Dean's cock was covered in precum and Cas's own semen. It tasted like _them._ Together. Dean was so close to coming that his cock was already throbbing, so Cas sucked at it obediently. 

He bobbed in shallow strokes so that Dean's dick stayed almost fully in his mouth at all times, just the head rubbed in and out at the back of Cas's throat. His tongue worked mercilessly at the underside of the head, while his free hand cupped and tugged at Dean's balls gently. They were drawn high and tight against his body with how close he was to coming. Castiel ran his fingertips over the sensitive skin and Dean actually shivered. 

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuckkkk. Cas. I'm coming. Oh fuck. I'm coming. Gonna come. Gonna-" 

Castiel felt the gush of heat down his throat and swallowed around it. Dean whined out in pleasure at the feeling. Castiel kept swallowing until Dean was spent and collapsed like his bones were jelly. Cas gently licked Dean's cock completely clean. Dean's face was the picture of utter bliss as Cas's tongue lathed gently over his softening dick. As Cas worked, Dean’s fingers ran tenderly through his hair. 

"You are fucking amazing."

Castiel smirked up at Dean, then pushed himself up to lick up his own spilled come on Dean's chest. 

"Shit. Holy- That's so hot. You licking your come off me? I'm pretty sure I've jerked off to this exact fantasy at least a few times before."

"And how many times did you fantasize about me swallowing you down as you came?"

Dean laughed. 

"Baby, you have no idea. The week after you moved here, I jerked off so much, I thought my dick was gonna fall off."

That couldn’t be right...

"You mean the week after we started talking."

Dean pulled Cas down from where he was perched above Dean, so that they were pressed together - chest to chest. 

"No, the week after you moved here."

"But you didn't talk to me for another two weeks after that."

"I know."

"But why?"

"I dunno."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Dean tilted his head up to bump his nose against Cas's playfully. 

"Oh yeah? Why not?"

"You wanted me but you didn't go after me. Was it some sort of strategy?"

"No, Cas. I was just...nervous."

"What? To talk to me? That's ridiculous"

Dean looked affronted

"Why?"

"Because everyone wants you. I think even most of the straight guys would let you fuck them. They certainly stare enough that I'm positive they wouldn't mind a little drunken mutual masturbation." 

"So what?" 

"So of course I would be attracted to you."

"Yeah maybe. But only for sex, right?" 

Castiel was confused.

"But _you_ propositioned _me_ for sex"

"Yeah..." 

Dean titled his head in to kiss Cas's neck but Cas was pretty sure that he was using that as an excuse to hide his face there. Why was Dean acting so self-conscious? Realization dawned on Castiel.

"Oh...because you thought that's all I'd want from you."

"Mmhmm" Dean mumbled into the crook of Cas's neck. 

"Dean..."

Castiel waited patiently until Dean resurfaced with a sigh. 

"It's a lot scarier asking somebody out for a fucking cup of coffee than it is to ask if they want to go fuck in the janitor's closet. Like you said, everybody wants to fuck me. And even if they don't - it's no big deal. Plenty of other willing people."

Dean looked up into Cas's eyes. 

"I saw the way you looked at me.” Dean said. “I knew I could get it your pants."

Cas narrowed his eyes and nipped at Dean's lower lip, but let him continue. 

"But you weren't just hot. You were smart. You worked hard. You were new and you kept to yourself, but it wasn’t because you were nervous – you just didn’t need everyone to like you. You didn't fuck around on your phone during study hall, you actually worked on your homework most days, and when you didn't, you doodled flowers and bumblebees on your notebooks"

Cas blushed and ducked his head, but Dean tilted his head in and kissed Cas until he looked him in the eyes again. 

"And that was cute as fuck. You're cute as fuck. And I was scared. Because all I have is my looks and you're so much more than that."

And _that_ well, that about broke Cas’s heart.

"Dean, you are so blind when it comes to yourself. Of course I noticed how gorgeous you are. Frankly, I'm not sure how a modeling agency hasn't noticed. But I didn't fall for you because of your looks. And I certainly didn't fall for you because of a promise of sex. I fell for your wit and your attitude and your honesty and the huge wealth of kindness in your heart. I fell for you mostly without even looking at your face – I fell for you by reading the words in your notes to me."

They kissed then. Slowly and unhurried. Holding each other. Talking about their lives and each other and how happy they felt. They kissed as they got dressed. They kissed as they cuddled close in the tall grass. It was so easy to be with Dean, to let Dean pull his weight on top of him so that Cas could rest his head on Dean’s chest. It seemed like they spent eternity laying in that grass, or maybe it was minutes. 

"Dean. Dean, look."

The sky had been getting lighter for a while, but now the sun broke over the horizon. The park was on a small hill and it afforded them a view of surrounding houses - still sleeping - and corn crops out in the distance. It was simple, unglamorous beauty. It was perfect. Cas was looking at the sleepy little Kansas town, but Dean was looking at Cas.

"Cas. Do you..."

"Yes, Dean?"

"I was just wondering...do you want to get a cup of coffee with me?"

Castiel smiled wide and gummy. 

"I would love that, Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~This is the longest fic I've written and my only AU. If people are interested, I could either expand with the story line, or just add another smutty chapter...(or both). If you'd like to read more, please let me know. I won't have my feelings hurt if people aren't interested, there are always new/different fics to write : )~~
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> UPDATE: Thank you all so much! (As a fic _reader_ I never realized how meaningful comments and kudos are, but it really does brighten your day every time you get one!) I'll be adding more to this story soon (some more delicious smut and finishing up the story line I have in my head,) so keep an eye out for it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like any new couple, Dean and Cas are in the helplessly-horny-for-each-other phase. (AKA: this chapter is 90% smut...and kinkier, more explicit smut that in the previous chapter.)  
> Except that Cas still isn't sure if they _are_ a couple, officially.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR, there is plot coming in the next chapter....but I had to get some porny goodness in.
> 
> SMUT WARNING: There is one quick usage of derogatory language (within the scope of dirty-talk.) If you're sensitive to that sort of thing, see the explanation at the end of chapter notes first so you can decide if it's something you don't want to read. 
> 
> Also, this chapter has more kinks...they've been added to the tags.

Dean hadn’t been joking about knowing all the best secluded spots at their school.

“Oh Dean. Ahh.”

Dean was on his knees in the cramped janitors closet lavishing Cas with some truly enthusiastic attention. As Dean bobbed his head up, his hand twisted up the shaft of Cas’s cock.

“Fuck. Fuck. Yess, ungh.”

Dean pulled off of Cas with a wet pop.

“Shhh. Cas, baby. You gotta keep it down.” Dean stroked the skin of Cas’s bare thigh. 

Cas looked down at Dean, wet lips shining and pretty green eyes staring up at him from under those beautiful long eyelashes. Just the sight pulled another loud moan from his chest, which made Dean chuckle.

“What about you?” Cas rasped out. 

They only had a 30 minute break and they had spent a lot of time just making out and pawing at each other.

“What _about_ me? I love sucking your pretty pink cock.” 

Dean emphasized his point by flicking his tongue over the sensitive head of Castiel’s erection. Cas groaned.

“But...I want you to get off.”

Dean gave him an oddly sweet look, considering they were currently having semi-public sex next to a surplus sized box of Ajax. He leaned backwards.

“You wanna see how hard you get me, babe? Wanna see what you do to me?”

Dean hastily unzipped his jeans and tugged them down with his underwear. His cock sprung free of its confines, bobbing obscenely hard and begging for attention.  
Slowly, Dean began to work one hand over his dick, while his other hand still gripped Cas’s hip. Castiel watched in rapture as Dean’s eyelids started to slip lower, and his breathing picked up. 

“Yeahhh. Shit. Don’t think I forgot about you, Cas.”

Dean was smirking at him with that smug expression, but its effect was lessened by the obvious neediness in his eyes. Still jerking himself off, Dean tilted forward, his free hand grabbing Cas by the base, and dragged his lips – open mouthed and wet – along the underside of Cas’s cock. Dean focused on the tip for a moment – sucking at the head and swirling his tongue around the slit – before swallowing Cas down whole. 

Utter bliss.

The sight of Dean blowing him while simultaneously jacking himself off was better than any porno Cas had ever seen, and it certainly wasn’t going to allow him to hold out for long. Only minutes later, he was panting hard and throwing his head back against the shelves behind him.

“Dean, I’m close.” Cas breathed out between incoherent moaning. 

God, it felt so good. Dean’s mouth was so hot and wet and glorious. His tongue and lips and throat gave Cas sensations he had never experienced before. So close to coming, he couldn’t help the way his hips gave a few shallow thrusts into that heat.

Dean didn’t seem to mind, though. In fact, Castiel could feel the vibrations of a moan around the head of his dick as he thrusted minutely into Dean’s mouth.

“I’m coming, Dean. Oh God. Dean.” 

Mindlessly, Castiel grabbed the back of Dean’s head and held him in place so that Cas could bury his cock as far down Dean’s throat as it would go. Sounds were being pulled from Cas’s chest that were barely human – pretty sobs of pleasure – as he felt himself spill down Dean’s rhythmically swallowing throat. As soon as the daze of his orgasm began to pass, he pushed himself back from Dean immediately.

“Oh god, Dean. I’m sorry! Was that too forceful?”

He looked down at Dean who held his, now mostly soft, cock in his hand. 

“I’m sorry! I just got really carried away. I won’t do it again.” 

“What are you worrying about? That was sexy as fuck.”

Dean gave him a cocky smile and pointed to the splatter of semen on the concrete floor between Dean’s knees.

“Oh.” Stupidly, Castiel could feel himself blush.

Dean tucked himself back into his pants and stood up to kiss Castiel. Cas could taste himself on Dean’s lips, and licked into his mouth to chase the flavor.

“Yeah, ‘Oh.’ You kinky little fucker,” Dean said with a wholly affectionate grin. “That was pretty fucking hot, but I’m gonna get you back for that.”

Cas’s eyes went wide with shock and a spike of arousal which, physiologically speaking, shouldn’t even be possible after the enormous load he just spilled. But Dean wasn’t done. He spun Cas around by the hips and gave him a nice hard smack on the ass.

Castiel made a whimper clearly not from pain.

“Oh fuck.” Dean said in shock and raw excitement. “You like that?”

Castiel was _really_ blushing now, and he fiddled with the boxes of cleaners on the shelves around them as to not have to look at Dean.

“Uhm...well, I don’t know...”

Precious, amazing, fortuitous bell! 

“Oh! Time for study hall. We shouldn’t be late!” 

Cas gave a cursory check to make sure they were both decent before popping his head out of the door to see if the coast was clear. 

Dean seemed to let the subject drop, because he followed Cas out and down the hall in silence. When Cas glanced back at Dean, he had a troublingly mischievous smirk on his face, but Cas chose to willfully ignore it. 

Besides, he was distracted by the _other_ internal conflict he had been having. Namely, on holding Dean’s hand. 

Since their mutual declaration of romantic attraction at last Friday’s party, Cas was fairly sure that he was living out an actual fantasy. On Saturday morning they had gone to Dean’s favorite diner and split two pieces of pie (apple and pecan) and about a million small mugs of weak coffee. Dean spent most of the time making puppy eyes at Cas, although Cas was sure he’d never admit to that. It was fine, though, because Cas knew the look on his own face must have matched Dean’s. 

After that they had both gone home to get some much needed sleep, and on Sunday Castiel had to put his foot down and finally get some homework done. So they hadn’t seen each other much, but Dean sent Cas dirty text messages and pictures and Cas texted back random history facts and pictures of the doodles on his notes. 

When Cas finally saw Dean again on Monday at lunch, he had hardly gotten out a “Hello, Dean” before the object of his affection was dragging him down the hall by the front of his shirt and pushing him through an unmarked door. Then he was being shoved insistently against a row of shelves and kissed breathless. And then well...that brought Cas to this moment.

So clearly Dean didn’t mind their classmates seeing him dragging Cas away, ostensibly for some lewd activities. But was hand-holding on the table? That was more of a relationship thing and they were...well they hadn’t talked _exactly_ about what they were. Dean said he wanted more than just sex, but what was “more”? How much “more”?

But now they were already walking through the door to their study hall classroom, and Cas had missed his opportunity to hold Dean’s hand, regardless. 

Castiel was still in his own head when a square of paper zoomed past his vision. Cas couldn’t help the grin that formed on his face. They had each other’s phone numbers now. They could text, like all their classmates did, but some sappy part of Cas liked the notes. They were more romantic, somehow.

**You like being spanked like the naughty boy you are?**

Ok. Maybe not always romantic. 

**I don’t know what you’re talking about.**

Castiel put on his best air of haughty indignation. 

**Yes you do. You liked it when I smacked your ass.**

Cas bit his lip. At least if he admitted it, maybe Dean would do it again.

**Maybe. A little bit.**

**Good. I like it, too. I’d love to see that sweet, perky ass of yours bare and pink with my handprints all over it.**

Castiel squirmed in the hard plastic chair he sat in.

**That might be agreeable**

God, he sucked at this dirty talk thing. He chewed his lip for a minute, trying to come up with something sexier to write out, but gave up and tossed the note back to Dean’s desk. Dean must have noticed his deliberation though...

**Imagine it, Cas. Close your eyes and think about it. Tell me where we are. What we're doing. How I’m touching you.**

Oh no. Cas’s dick was definitely responding to this. He had _just_ come, but his dick didn’t seem to remember that. Cas hated being a teenager sometimes. He followed Dean’s orders anyway, taking deep breaths until the scene bloomed vividly in his mind. 

**I’m naked on your bed. I have my face pressed into the mattress and my ass is in the air. You’re standing next to me. You still have your boots and your jacket on.**

Some part of Castiel was excited by the idea of being so open and vulnerable for Dean, while Dean was still fully clothed.

**Yeah, baby, fuck you’d look so beautiful like that. Showing off that tight little body for me. What am I doing to you, Cas?**

Cas clenched his jaw, trying to keep quiet and settle himself down, but it didn’t seem to be helping.

**You have one hand between my shoulder blades. Your other hand is stoking my ass.**

**Just stroking it? Come on, babe. I know you want more than that.**

Castiel was fully hard now. He reached under the desk, pushing his hardness down as he crossed his legs, so that his erection was partially pressed between his thighs. He squeezed them together to relieve some of the unbearable pressure. 

**At first, yes. You’re gentle. You’re kissing my skin softly, too.**

**Yeah, sweetheart, I’d be so good to you. I’ll give it to you exactly how you want it.**

Castiel hesitated, still somewhat embarrassed to let Dean into this fantasy. 

**The first one is soft.**

**The first, what? Say it.**

Castiel squirmed again. He was so aroused he could hardly stop his hands from shaking but he was surrounded by a room full of his peers.

**The first time you spank me. It’s gentle.**

**Yeah, it is. I’ll warm you up nice and slow. I’d rather make you beg for it.**

Castiel actually shoved his fist in his mouth so that he could bite down on his knuckles. He looked over his shoulder at Dean, who wasn’t faring much better. In fact, Cas could see where Dean’s hand was suspiciously positioned over his crotch. Cas watched as Dean’s strong fingers pressed down the denim of his jeans to outline the length of his erection. Castiel bit back a whimper as he looked up into Dean’s eyes. Dean winked at him and Cas felt like he might die. He squeezed his thighs together, tilting his hips back, and the friction that provided was heavenly. 

Cas was practically passing out right in the classroom, but despite Dean’s cocky demeanor, Cas wasn’t fooled.

**You wouldn’t last that long. I know you want it as much as I do.**

**Oh fuck. God, you’re fucking right. I want you so goddamn bad.**

Cas chanced another glance at Dean who was making tiny, surreptitious stokes over the denim covered head of his cock. Was Dean getting himself off right there in their class room? Cas shifted his hips at the thought, and his cock pumped through the vice-like pressure of his thighs. He supposed he wasn’t really in a position to judge...

**So what do you want to do to me, Dean? **

**Oh fuck, babe. I want to do everything to you. But in your little fantasy? I’d start you off nice and slow, just like you like. Hear you whimper out those filthy little moans you make just for me. But then I start really giving it to you and the pretty red marks on your ass are too sweet to resist. They look so sweet, I’ve gotta taste you.**

Castiel’s thighs were clenching rhythmically and incessantly now. He knew he had to stop. It was so, so wrong to be getting off like this, but he couldn’t. What Dean was insinuating...Cas had never experienced it before, but the idea turned him on like mad. 

**Taste me where?**

**Cas, baby, don’t play coy. You know where.**

Cas bit down on his lip. Fuck, he was already close to coming again. 

**Please, Dean.**

Castiel would’ve been embarrassed by how desperate he was, but he was too far gone to care.

**I’ll grab those pink, sore cheeks of yours and spread you open like the needy little cockslut you are. I’ll grab that pretty, leaking dick of yours and lick all the way from the tip, down over your balls and taint, and right up your ass. I’ll eat that sweet ass out until your thighs are shaking and you can’t take it anymore. I’ll put my tongue inside you so I can see what you really taste like, baby. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll make you come just like that, babe. Just fucking that sweet hole with my tongue.”**

Cas’s eyes squeezed shut tight as his hips gave a few last weak thrusts and he felt his underwear pool with warm, sticky come. Fuck. Oh fuck. He was panting hard and a few people sitting close to him shot him strange looks. Oh no. Castiel tried to act cool as he wiped a thin layer of sweat from his forehead. 

**You made me come in my pants, you asshole.**

Cas turned to look at Dean, who was still making lazy strokes at his hard on, but didn’t seem thoroughly wrecked like Cas. 

**And that was the hottest thing I’ve seen in my entire life.**

Castiel, ever the vindictive little shit, wanted his payback. 

**And after you make me come? What do want to do to me then? Do you want to fuck me, Dean?**

**Oh, baby. You know I’d love to get in that tight ass.**

Dean clearly got a thrill from their public indecency. He _was,_ after all, the one who started this whole classroom dirty talk thing. Cas decided to use that to his advantage.

**I bet you want to fuck me right here. Right here in front of everyone. Would you like that, Dean?**

**Fuck yeah. Cas, I’d fuck you right here. Pound that ass so good. Make you scream.**

Dean’s handwriting was getting progressively sloppier.

**You want everyone to watch while you bend me right over this desk and bury that fat cock of yours inside me?**

Cas couldn’t believe the words he was writing, but he wanted so badly to make Dean come that he didn’t even care. When he sent the note back to Dean, he decided to really bring out the big guns. He pushed his pen over the edge of his desk, and then made a nice show of bending his body over his desk to pick it up. His chest was flat against the desk, and he even had the gall to wiggle his hips a little as his fingers stretched out to retrieve his pen from the floor.

Back in his seat, Catiel turned to see Dean’s reaction. Dean's eyes were blown wide open and the hand he had under his desk seemed to work a little harder. Hastily, he bent back over the note and was in the middle of writing a response when his whole body locked up and his eyes slipped closed. A quiet huff of air pushed past those lips that Castiel loved so much, and Cas drank up the sight of Dean mid-orgasm.

Dean opened his eyes slowly, and actually shook his body out like a wet dog. He must not have noticed Cas watching, because he frowned down at the note on his desk, before crossing something out and writing something else below it.

When Castiel opened the note, he could barely make out what the original note had said, but after a minute he was able to piece it together. 

**Yes. Fuck. They’d all watch. ~~Want them to see that you're mine.~~. Goddamn, that was hot. **

Castiel felt a thrill and disappointment and confusion all at the same time. He liked the thought of belonging to Dean, and Dean belonging to him in return...

But then the bell was wringing and he had the much more pressing issue of getting out of the classroom and getting himself clean before anyone realized anything was up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derogatory language use: Dean and Cas are basically fantasizing a scenario in which Cas is being spanked, and at one point Dean refers to Cas as a "cockslut." I know some people don't like language like that, so I thought I'd better warn against it, just in case.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings (inability to communicate those feelings) and more smut!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I felt **terrible** for how long these updates were taking, so I thought I'd better just finish the entire fic, so you wouldn't lose faith in me ever finishing it! Hope you enjoy it!

Castiel continued his silent internal struggle for the rest of the week. He and Dean had continued sending text messages every day (and definitely had continued to fool around at every spare moment), but they hadn’t hung out again outside of school and Cas still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to hold Dean’s hand. When the bell called out to excuse them from study hall on Friday afternoon, the prospect of an entire weekend without Dean yawned out in front of Cas dauntingly.

“Dean?”

Castiel grabbed Dean’s wrist as if some silly paranoid part of his brain thought that Dean would slip away, but Dean turned and beamed at Cas like a bright ray of sunshine. Dean’s strong hands were already gripping Cas’s hips and working their way under his shirt.

“What’s up, beautiful? Wanna ditch 6th period?”

Cas momentarily lost focus as Dean leaned in to push a soft kiss into the skin behind his ear.

“Uh, no. Well, yes, actually but let's...uhm...go outside.” Cas said, and watched as Dean’s salacious grin faltered. 

“Oh. Ok, sure. What – uhm – what’s up?”

“Nothing,” Castiel tried to make himself look Dean in the eyes, to will himself not to be embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask for something so simple, but he kept chickening out at the last moment. “I thought we could...talk.”

Dean just looked at him for a minute, green eyes searching Cas’s features.

“Yeah, ok, Cas. No problem.”

They walked outside and over the school’s empty soccer field in silence. The grass was recently cut, but the days were getting so hot already that all of the shorn piles were dry as hay. Castiel couldn’t help but stare at the way Dean’s fingertips brushed the denim on his thigh. Castiel wanted those fingertips to brush the back of his hand, instead.

When they found a spot with adequate shade cover, Dean plopped down and shot Cas a crooked smile that looked just a little bit sad. Castiel tried to make his limbs stop feeling so bizarre and wooden as he sat down next to Dean.

“So...” Cas cleared his throat. “Hi.”

“Hey, Cas.” Dean huffed.

Castiel picked at the rubber sole of his sneaker.

“How is your...ah...day...going...thus far.”

Castiel resisted the urge to smack himself on the forehead for that little piece of charm.

“Look, Cas. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on." Castiel said too quickly.

Something very pained passed over Dean's face, but then it was gone in an instant. He heaved a heavy sigh.

"It's ok, Cas. I get it."

Castiel blinked at the beautiful freckled boy with sunshine in his hair.

"Get what?"

"I get what you're doing. I get it. I'm not...you know...what you thought. Or whatever."

Castiel's brain tried to make sense of this bizarre turn of events.

"Dean, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

Dean was assessing him then, like he was trying to decide whether or not Cas was bullshitting him.

“You’re not - aren't you breaking up with me?”

Castiel wasn’t really sure what to say to that.

“No! No. I – are you my boyfriend?”

Dean blushed right up to his ears and started pulling up a tuft of grass near his feet.

“Uh, I dunno. Am I?”

It was a little childish, and Dean must’ve realized it, because he blushed even more. Castiel could hardly judge on the emotional constipation front, though. He _had_ just spent an entire week fretting about holding this guy’s hand, after all. Cas sighed.

“I brought you out here so we could spend time together. Time together not...ah...”

“Oh." Understanding cresting across Dean's face. "Time not fucking in a broom closet?”

“Well, yes.” Castiel paused as his shoe slipped over a few inches to nudge at the toe of Dean's boot. "I think boyfriends should probably do more than just have sex all the time, right?"

“Yeah. Shit. I guess I’m still trying to – just getting used to the idea that you want...I mean, I do too”

“I know, Dean.” Cas coughed. “Me, too. I mean, I don’t normally do this either. Relationship...stuff”

Even though Cas wasn’t feeling particularly brave, his desire to make Dean feel better was stronger than his fear, so he slowly slipped his hand across the grassy space between them to rest his fingers against Dean’s. Dean didn't look down, but immediately flipped his palm over to intertwine his hands with Cas's. Like he had been waiting for this.

“Maybe I could come over and hang out this weekend?”

Dean’s tone was supposed to be nonchalant, but Cas already knew Dean well enough to hear the undertones of hope and nervousness.

“I’d like that very much.”

Dean tried to hide his smile and somehow that made Cas want to kiss him like crazy. Dean must've caught the dopey grin on Cas's face, because he returned it with a smirk.

“Why don't we get out of here? Get off this lame campus”

"And go where?" Castiel asked, as if he cared at all, as if there was anywhere that Dean would go that he wouldn't want to be. 

"Anywhere you want. We don't even have to go anywhere special. Just riding my baby is always a good time."

It took Castiel a moment to realize Dean was referring to his car. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been looking forward to riding in the Impala. Every person in school knew and envied that shiny, black beauty, and most people would enjoy more than one kind of ride in it. What was Cas to do but nod in acceptance to the proposal?

Even though school wasn't out, the parking lot still had smatterings of students (out early or ditching class like them) scattered between cars and leaned against the low cement walls around the lot. Cas didn’t miss the half dozen people who stared at where his and Dean’s hands were still clasped. Some wore expressions of shock or distaste, but mostly Castiel saw envy. He tried to school the smirk he was sure was lifting at his lips.

“What are you grinning about?”

They had made it to the Impala and Dean was edging in close – backing Cas up against the passenger side door. Cas shook his head.

“What?”

Castiel looked around to see a few more envious looks shot his way.

“I’m...ah...trying not to be smug, is all”

“Smug? About what?”

Castiel paused for a moment to appreciate the sweet and genuine curiosity on Dean’s face.

“You.”

Dean's laughter - rich and deep - rang through the parking lot.

“What’re you talking about?”

“Look around. Everyone is jealous that I get to be with you.”

“Bullshit.”

Castiel shot Dean an incredulous look, but Dean didn't even bother surveying the people around them. His eyes stayed trained on Castiel.

“Maybe they’re jealous of _me_ , Cas, because I snagged the cute new guy with the gorgeous blue eyes and sexy bed head.”

Castiel shook his head again, but felt warm affection unfurl in his chest. He could feel Dean press in closer – their hips brushing together just barely.

“Hey, why don’t we give them something to be _really_ jealous of?”

Cas looked up into Dean’s vibrant green eyes as plush lips pressed firmly into his. Almost out of instinct, his tongue shot out to lick at those lips and slip into Dean’s mouth. Dean’s warm hands slipped back over his hips to grip firmly at his ass, making Cas moan into their kiss. Cas could never get enough of the way Dean tasted. It drove him mad tasting that indescribable sweetness. He curled his fingers tighter into Dean’s hair and pressed the entire length of his body hard into Dean’s solid form. Dean nipped lightly at his lower lip – pulling back slightly and panting hard against Cas’s lips.

“Mmm, now they definitely wish they were me.”

Castiel blinked his eyes open at Dean’s words and – oh..yeah, they were in their school's parking lot. Castiel felt the blush rise in his cheeks as he made eye contact with a _lot_ of people who very much looked like they wanted to step over his dead body to take his place as Dean’s make-out partner.

“Oh. Yes. Perhaps we should go somewhere more private.”

Cas let Dean open the Impala’s door for him – feeling equal parts gratified and like a girl on a silly 1950’s date. He watched the swagger in Dean’s step from the rearview mirror as he made his way to the driver’s side.

“So...” Dean cleared his throat and started up the engine. “Where to, Cas?”

“I thought we were going nowhere?”

Dean rolled his eyes playfully.

“Oh, yeah. Right. Duh.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean, but let it drop. He was distracted anyway by Dean’s hand rubbing circles on his knee and the heavy vibration of the car engine purring to life. Some sort of classic rock began blaring through the speakers, but Dean turned it down to a - still quite loud, but not ear-bleeding - lower level. Castiel felt a rush of arousal in his gut as Dean pulled sharply out of the parking lot.

“I like your car.”

Dean snorted

“Of course you do. The only thing sexier than baby is my baby.”

Dean squeezed Cas’s knee and shot him a flirtatious wink.

“I’m confused. Am I more or less sexually desirable than your car?”

Dean laughed and shoved at Castiel’s shoulder.

“You’re hotter than my car, you nerd.”

“Mmm, good.”

"Only by a little bit, baby" Dean added in a stage-whisper to his car while rubbing her dash affectionately. "You're still my number one girl."

"Is that so?" Cas asked.

Castiel slid in closer to Dean, letting his hand drop onto Dean’s upper thigh.

"I bet she doesn't know how to touch you like I do."

His fingers moved a now familiar path towards the growing bulge in Dean’s jeans. 

"I bet she doesn't know all the things you like."

While one of Cas's hands squeezed Dean through the thick material of his jeans, Cas's other hand reached up to caress through Dean's hair before tugging at the short strands. Dean went boneless one moment, but the next he was tensing up and shifting away from Cas.

“Wait."

"What's wrong?"

“We're doing it again.”

"Doing what?"

Dean shot him a quick, assessing glance.

"You know. Trying to mess around all the time."

Castiel couldn’t tell if he wanted to laugh or kiss Dean breathless or wrap Dean up and never let him go. Maybe all three. 

“Dean, having a relationship with _more_ than just sex doesn’t mean we have to _stop_ having sex.”

“Are you sure?” Dean asked hesitantly, as if he didn't believe him. "I don't want to fuck this up, Cas. I care about all that other stuff... being around you and...just  _talking_ to you is pretty awesome."

A blush was rising in Dean's cheeks, so he cleared his throat and put on his best macho and cocky smirk voice to compensate.

"It's this damn sexual tension between us, babe. We're too cute for our own good."

“Dean, it's ok." Castiel pulled one of Dean’s large hands off the steering wheel and dropped it into his lap where his own erection strained against the fabric of his trousers. "I don't think I could resist you if I tried.”

“Ungh, fuck. Thank God. I wanna take you somewhere.”

Castiel’s hand went right back on target to rub Dean through the heavy denim of his jeans.

“Fuck, baby. Feels good.”

Dean started to reciprocate, but Castiel took his hand and put it back on the wheel.

“We wouldn’t want to get in an accident.” Castiel breathed into the shell of Dean’s ear.

“I’ve been driving this car since I was 13, Cas. I’d never wreck her.”

Dean went for a kiss, but Cas leaned away - keeping up his incessant rubbing.

“Focus, Dean.”

Castiel squeezed the head of Dean’s cock through his jeans – making his boyfriend groan loudly.

“You fucking tease.”

Cas smirked.

“Where are you taking me?” Castiel asked casually as his free hand started to trace lightly over the thin t-shirt covering Dean’s chest and abs.

“Impatient, hmm? I’m gonna spank that pretty little ass of yours for teasing me so bad, Cas.”

Cas’s hips rutted against the seat with that thought, and he pinched Dean’s nipple through his shirt to egg him on.

“Oh you little shit. You want it bad, don’t you, baby? Oh, you’re gonna get it. I’m gonna give it to you so good.”

Castiel truly thought sometimes that Dean must’ve exuded some sort of addictive drug from his pores, because Cas really did lose all sense around him. The road they were on was mostly secluded – hardly any traffic passed them and the trees and windy roads limited visibility. So he couldn’t help but twist around in the seat and squeeze one knee between Dean’s legs and the steering wheel, so that he was pinned right up against Dean. Castiel could feel his weight jostle back and forth as Dean temporarily lost control of the car.

“Jesus Christ, Cas. So needy.”

But the tone of his voice wasn’t chiding. Dean tilted his hips to get more friction between them and Castiel ground down to meet him. Cas felt his stomach in his throat as the Impala pulled hard to the right, as Dean steered into a turnout on the side of the road.

Cas pulled his head back enough to take in their surroundings. A few low trees and bushes partially blocked the view of the road, but if anyone were to drive by they were still very much on display.

“C'mon. Get out.” Dean ordered.

Castiel wriggled his hips a bit more than strictly necessary when getting out, and Dean groaned in pleasure and pent up sexual frustration.

As soon as Dean followed him out of the car, he was all over Cas – rubbing his hands up under Cas’s shirt to pull and rub at his nipples and sucking bruises into his neck. Then he was turning Cas around and placing his palms on the sun-warmed hood of the Impala. Dean’s hands went straight to unbuttoning and unzipping Cas’s pants.

“Dean. What if someone drives by?”

“I thought you liked making everyone jealous, baby?”

Castiel squirmed with arousal and embarrassment.

“Not with my bare ass out.”

“Okay. Have it your way, Cas.”

Dean’s hands pulled away from their attempts to disrobe Cas, and slid lower to push Castiel’s legs open wider.

“You can keep all your clothes on. If that’s what you want.”

Castiel couldn’t see it but he could practically _hear_ the smirk on Dean’s lips.

Dean’s firm body pressed against Cas, chest to back, hips to ass. Dean’s hands stroked at the insides of Cas’s thighs, holding them wide. Dean kissed the back of Cas’s neck as one hand trailed up Cas’s thigh, until it cupped and tugged gently at his balls through his pants. Castiel bit down on his lip to keep from moaning but his heavy breathing gave him away. Dean gave him a firm spank. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted – not with the layers of clothes between his bare skin and Dean’s hand. Cas rocked his hips back to press his ass into Dean’s erection.

“You know what I was talking about before, Cas? About tasting you?”

Castiel shuddered with arousal and pressed back even harder – eliciting a chuckle from Dean.

“Yeah, you remember.”

Dean’s fingers pressed into Cas’s ass through fabric - almost touching Cas’s hole, but not quite able to. Castiel groaned out in frustration.

Dean heard it before Cas. He pulled his boyfriend around into his arms so that – as a car drove past on the dirt road - it looked like they were an innocently canoodling couple taking break from driving. Castiel must have been too lost in his lust to even have noticed the sound of the approaching engine, and as soon as the car was out of view, he twisted in Dean’s arms to get a taste of his lips.

“Good thing you still had all of your clothes on, huh, Cas?” Dean mumbled against his lips.

Cas knew he was losing the game, but at this point he didn’t care. He shoved Dean back, then got into position over the hood of the Impala and roughly pushed his pants and underwear down over the swell of his ass.

“Dean, you need to shut up and touch me before another car drives by.”

“Holy shit." Dean's fingers dug into the meat of Cas's ass and spread him gently. "Look at you showing off for me.”

Cas groaned in anticipation and lust. He couldn’t believe himself. His gaze flickered to the empty dirt road, but he hardly cared. The only thing that mattered was that Dean relieve this awful build up. Dean’s thumb dipped lower to brush lightly over his hole and Cas let out a moan.

“Unggh, Cas. You act like this innocent, straight-laced, good boy, but get your motor running a little and...fuck. Look at how horny you are. You want it so bad, don’t you?”

“It’s _you_.” Cas panted, shaking his head. “I don’t know what you do to me, Dean. I want you all the time.”

Then Dean was dropping to his knees and Castiel didn’t have any time to acclimate before Dean’s tongue was circling his hole. Cas’s knees buckled and it was a good thing the Impala was under him so that he crumpled against the warm metal instead of onto the dirt.

“Oh my god. Dean- ah – so - ahh - so good. Your tongue – oh my god.”

Dean’s tongue continued to lap around the edges as one of his fingers pressed gently at the ring of muscle, not pushing in, but rubbing softly and pressing at Cas's entrance. Cas had never experienced a sensation like it. He felt like his brain was firing off in ways he didn’t know were possible. And just the knowledge that Dean was eating him out made his dick throb.

“Dean, please. Yes. Yes.”

Cas could feel the warmth of Dean’s mouth leave him.

“You ever have anything in your ass before?”

Cas shook his head. 

“I’ll be gentle. Just try to relax, ok sweetheart?”

Then Dean’s warm wet mouth was back – lips kissing softly, tongue flicking and that finger teasing at pushing into him but not quite doing it. The pad of his finger rubbed and rubbed and rubbed light circles. So close. So close. So close to what Cas needed, but not.

“Please, Dean, put your fingers inside me.”

Dean continued to lick and rub, but not penetrate Cas.

“ _Please_ , Dean. I’m ready. _Please_ ”

Sloppy wet kisses pressed onto that sensitive place but not inside of him.

“I need it. I need you. Please, Dean. I need you.”

Cas heard a soft, muffled moan and then finally, blissfully, a thick finger pushed into him and it punched the air right from his lungs. Dean circled his finger – barely inside Cas – before pushing in deeper, and sparks erupted behind Cas’s eyes.

“So. Ah. So. Ungh. Good. Dean. Ohhh.”

There were no words for the satisfaction he felt. Dean was _inside_ of him. Cas pressed back to drive his finger in deeper.

“Hold on, baby. Lemme find something.”

Castiel could only pant against the hot metal of the Impala as Dean’s finger twisted inside of him, rubbing at the tight heat - in and out, back and forth - searching.

“Should be riiight....about...” Dean curled his finger down. “...here.”

Dean's finger found it's target and rubbed softly back and forth over that spot inside Cas. Cas’s hands groped futilely for purchase on the Imapla’s smooth finish as a warm, heavy pleasure filled his gut.

“Oh God. Dean. Dean. Oh God.”

Castiel’s orgasm hit him hard and unexpectedly, tensing every muscle in his body and curling his toes in his shoes. He could barely hear the whining sobs being pulled from his own chest as spurt after spurt of come pulsed out of his untouched cock. His orgasm seemed to drag on forever as Dean continued to rub inside him - milking more come out of him than he had ever come before.

He shivered as Dean pulled his finger out, but then his tongue was lapping lazily at Castiel’s stretched hole causing gentle waves of pleasure to wash over Cas’s body.

Dean chuckled.

“I didn’t know humans purred.”

“I’m not purring,” Castiel countered in a slow drawl, but still wiggled his hips to draw Dean back into his soft ministrations.

Castiel felt Dean’s tongue push into him and crumpled into the hood of the car. Dean's tongue made a few shallow thrusts inside him.

“Dean, you have to stop now or I’ll might never let you stop.”

Dean laughed and pushed himself up to his feet, and suddenly Castiel was filled with the urgent need get Dean off.

“What do you want, Dean? I want to make you come. Want to make you feel good. I’ll give you anything.”

Castiel didn’t realize the way his words sounded until they were already out of his mouth, but they didn’t sound untrue. Not at all.

“Mmm. Stay like this.”

Castiel remained bent over the hood of the Impala as he heard Dean’s jeans unzip, then the hot, silky smooth skin of Dean’s cock was rubbing against his ass cheek.

“I’m not gonna fuck you, I promise.”

And Castiel thought that was an awfully stupid thing for Dean to promise, but he nodded his head anyway. Even if he _didn’t_ (very, very badly) want Dean to fuck him, he trusted Dean. He trusted Dean not to hurt him. He trusted Dean to keep his word. 

"I trust you," Cas mumbled out in his blissed out state.

Even with the saliva on and inside of Cas, he could feel how slippery the head of Dean’s cock was with precum. Dean moaned as he rubbed the head of his dick down the cleft of Cas’s ass. Every time Dean’s cock rubbed over his hole, Cas pushed his hips back a little.

“Fuck. Cas, baby, don’t tempt me.”

Some part of Castiel didn’t really want to lose his virginity on the side of the road, but the horny teenage part of him really wanted to get fucked. Particularly now that he knew how good it felt to have Dean inside of him. Dean pressed in closer so that the entire length of his erection was squeezed between the flesh of Cas’s ass. Dean’s cock slipped back down, over the ring of muscle, then pushing between Cas’s thighs to slide against Cas’s soft cock and come covered balls.

“Goddamn, Cas. Wanna fuck you so bad.” Dean groaned into Cas’s neck. “But when I _do_ fuck you, I’m gonna give you all the flowers and candles and all that sappy shit I know you’d secretly love.”

Dean thrust again between Cas’s thighs.

“Fuck you nice and slow. You think you came hard with my finger inside of you? Wait until I’m rubbing my cock-head on that spot inside your ass.”

“Put...unh...Dean, put your finger inside me again.”

“Again? Fuck, babe.”

Castiel started stoking softly over his hardening cock as Dean pressed a finger back into him.

“You think you can take another one, Cas?”

Cas felt Dean’s fingers drag over his prostate and nodded furiously.

“Fuck, I love y- this. I love this.”

“Feels so good, Dean. I love this, too.”

A second finger pushed into Cas as Dean continued to thrust his cock between Cas’s thighs.

“Yeah? Tell me how badly you want this cock.”

“I want it so bad. I want you to fill me up. Your fingers feel- ah- oh” Cas panted as Dean’s finger’s rubbed firm circles over his prostate. “-feel so good, but I want your cock inside me. Want you to fuck me. Want – ah- want-“

With Dean thrusting behind him and the stretch of two thick fingers inside him, Cas could almost fool himself that it _was_ Dean’s cock inside of him. The thought was enough to bring him back to the edge.

“I’m coming, Dean. Yes, don’t stop. Fuck me. I’m coming.”

Castiel pumped his hot spurts across the Impala's shiny finish.

“Fucking Christ. So sexy, Cas. So fucking hot.”

Dean withdrew his fingers and began stroking fast down the shaft of his own cock, the head of his dick rubbing up against Cas’s hole.

“Ungh, fuck, gonna come all over that sweet ass, baby. That ass is mine.”

“Yes, mmm,” Cas moaned in post-orgasmic bliss. “Yours. I’m yours.”

“Fuuuck.”

Castiel felt the warm splashes of Dean’s come on his ass cheeks and against his hole. Dean groaned out as he used the head of his cock to rub his spilled cum up and down over Cas’s ass. Cas twisted from his spot on the hood to watch the look on Dean’s face as he rubbed his hyper sensitive cock through the puddles of come on Cas’s ass.

“Jesus, Cas, I think you’re better every fucking time we mess around.”

Castiel grinned lazily.

“Dean, I’m fairly sure I blew a fuse when you-"

“Shit! Get down!”

Dean yanked him down hurriedly so that they were crouched behind the Impala as a SUV careened around the bend in the dirt road. Castiel could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest as he tried to make himself as flat and invisible as possible. The car sped off into the distance, though, apparently unaware of anything untoward going on.

Then Dean was cracking up so hard he fell right back onto his bare ass on the dirt turnout.

“Son of a bitch. That was close!”

“I thought you _wanted_ to be seen” Castiel teased with a smug grin.

“It’s only a fantasy, Cas.” Dean pulled Cas forward for a chaste kiss. “I worked my ass off charming the pants off you – I don’t wanna share you with anyone else now.”

Castiel rolled his eyes despite the warmth he felt at Dean’s words.

“Come on, let’s get dressed before we get caught for real.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Son of a bitch”

Castiel dimly registered the words as he rolled over in his bed to burrow his face into his pillow.

“Babe.”

A hand nudged softly at his side, but Cas made a grumpy huff and pulled the blankets up to his ears.

“Babeeee.”

Castiel heaved a sigh and scooted closer to the wall.

“Thanks, Cas.”

The bed dipped behind him with added weight. The sound of boots being unlaced and dropped was followed by a firm body - with the barest chill from the morning air outside – pressing in close and wrapping around him. Castiel sighed contentedly and snuggled back into Dean.

“Mmhmm. You’re always so grumpy, until I actually get in bed. You’re such a cuddler, dude.” Dean said teasingly into Cas’s hair.

“You love it more.” Cas mumbled.

“What?” Dean squeezed Cas into him in exaggerated shock. “No way. I only cuddle for you, babe. Cause I know you like it so much.”

“Hmph. Sure. Fine. No more talking now. Sleep.”

Dean laughed into Cas's skin, but Cas was already half asleep again.

“Ok” Dean said between kisses to Cas’s neck. “but only because you’re the birthday boy.”

-

Cas returned to the land of the living a few hours later. The slow laziness of Sunday morning put an easy grin on his face. It was either that or the soft, warm, unimaginably lovable pile of boyfriend curled over him. And truth be told, Castiel had always been most partial to Thursdays, but ever since his boyfriend had made it a habit to climb the tree on the side of Castiel’s house to crawl through his bedroom window every Sunday, Cas had very quickly found a new favorite day of the week.

The first time it happened was the very first time Dean had been into his house, the weekend of their roadside romp.

It had been quite a shock to Cas – who had been in his underwear, standing in front of his closet, deciding what to wear – when a knock alerted him to his boyfriend hanging precariously from the second-floor window sill.

 _Dean, what the hell are you doing?_ Cas had asked

 _Your dad's car is out front...I thought..._ Dean had replied after a confused pause.  _You said I could come over_  

_Yes...for dinner. With my father and I._

But at least Castiel got to watch the (really quite endearing) embarrassment on Dean’s face when he explained to Cas’s father how he had materialized in Cas’s bedroom, instead of showing up at the front door like a normal person.

After that, whenever Dean came over after school or in the middle of the day, he would greet Mr. Novak – if he was around – at the front door of the house. But every Sunday morning, Dean would still climb up that old oak tree and crawl through Cas’s window.

The second week Dean had done it, Cas asked him why he continued to do something so unnecessarily difficult when he knew that Cas’s dad had no issue with their relationship. Dean had only shrugged noncommittally, but Castiel suspected it might be some sappy romantic thing Dean was too embarrassed to even admit to himself. 

Castiel smiled at his sleeping boyfriend. Dean’s lips were parted in sleep and Castiel stole the opportunity to kiss those soft lips.

Dean’s eyelids fluttered and green eyes peered over at him sleepily.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

Cas leaned in for a half dozen more soft, quick kisses pressed between his lips and Dean’s.

“Good morning, Dean.”

“Mmm, c’mere, babe,” Dean mumbled, pulling Cas back into his arms. “M’not done with you.”

Castiel’s cheek pressed up against the warm bare skin of Dean’s clavicle and he nuzzled his nose there like Dean liked. Dean’s fingers ran gently through the already mussed hair on the back of Cas’s head. His other hand traced lightly along the skin of Cas’s back.

It was genuine bliss.

“Hey.” Dean said suddenly remembering. “Happy birthday, Cas. I got you something.”

“You don’t need to get me anything.”

“Too late.” Dean said, pressing kisses to Cas’s temple between words. “Anyway, you’ll love it. Actually, I got you two things.”

“Dean...”

“Cas...”

Dean released Cas from his embrace enough that they could have one of the little stare-downs they had. Eventually Dean relented.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not – you know, expensive or whatever. Here.”

Dean twisted around in bed to pick up a large, flat package wrapped in light blue wrapping paper decorated by bright yellow cartoon honeybees.

“Happy birthday, beautiful.”

Castiel smiled at the term of endearment, at the cute wrapping paper, but mostly at how adorably nervous Dean looked. Cas carefully removed the wrapping paper as to not tear it. Inside was an unmarked black case.

Castiel glanced up at Dean – who was shyly staring at Cas’s knees.

Cas dug his fingers into the latch of the case to pop it open, and inside was a small, spiral bound art notebook and about a dozen half-used charcoal sticks and pencils.

“Oh, Dean, wow. Thank you! Is this..? Oh because of the art gallery!”

Castiel pulled his boyfriend into a hug. A few weeks ago they had gone to a small, local art gallery opening. Or, Cas had gone and Dean had been an incredibly good sport and endured it with only minimal eye-rolling. Castiel had been particularly drawn to the work of one artist which was solely in charcoal. He had made an off-hand comment about liking the medium, but he hadn’t really meant anything by it. Obviously Dean had gotten him a charcoal set to practice with.

“I love it, Dean. I’m not really very good at making art myself, though. Maybe with a bit of practice I could...”

Castiel’s voice trailed off as he noticed the initials on the corner of the cover of the art book. His fingers trailed over the ink indented into the cover there.

“Is this...?”

Dean was grinning at him sheepishly.

Castiel lifted the cover and flipped through a half dozen charcoal sketches clearly made by the same artist he had been so fond of at the gallery.

“You said you didn’t spend too much...” Castiel said with worry tinting his voice.

A book full of art – even quick sketches like the ones in Cas’s hands – wasn’t something that came cheap from professional artists.

“I didn’t. I actually...” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I went to find that lady. Cause I knew you loved her stuff so much I was gonna buy that one of the honey suckle that you stared at for like 20 friggen minutes.”

Castiel’s face split into a grin at Dean's transparently fake show of exasperation. God, he had the best boyfriend.

“But then I got to the gallery and the list price was like $400! And I thought that I was so smart coming up with that idea for your present and I couldn’t believe I was going to have to figure something else out. I was so bummed I sat on that bench in front of that picture for like an hour trying to think of something better. Then, out of no where, the lady – the artist – she comes up and starts asking me about art shit and asking what I think of the picture – and –“

Dean laughed then, and Castiel wished he could drink in the sound of that laugh forever.

“Well you know I know jack squat about art, but I’m thinkin – maybe if I can bullshit a little, I can see if I can haggle on the price, so –“

“Dean, even if you got a good deal on these things, I’m sure they’re still much too exp-“

Dean cut Cas’s words off with a kiss.

“Lemme finish. It’s a good one, I swear.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean but nodded.

“Ok. Long story short, it was a no-go on the haggling. The lady saw straight through me, but then she started asking me other questions. Like why some jackass who obviously didn’t give two shits about art was trying so hard to get that picture. So I told her about you, and she...” Dean gave a half-aborted shrug. “She gave this to me.”

Castiel waited for more details but none seemed to be forthcoming.

“That doesn’t make any sense. You told her that you wanted to give your boyfriend a birthday present, so she just _gave_ you all of this? Why would she care?”

“I mean, we talked. Or - I talked. For a while...about you. I guess I did a good job of explaining how awesome you are.”

If Dean was embarrassed before, it was nothing to how he was now. His cheeks flamed red – making his freckles particularly prominent.

“I showed her – uhm – she drew – I showed her a picture of...uhm.” Dean sighed. “Damnit. Just look at the last page.”

Castiel’s fingers fumbled as he flipped through the charcoal smudged pages of the notebook to get to the last sketch about three-quarters of the way into the book.

Dean and Cas’s smiling faces peered up from the paper. Castiel immediately recognized the photo that this was based off of – Dean’s arm slung easily over Cas’s shoulders as they stood in front of an antique car show. Dean had taken Cas there as the sort of payback to going to the art gallery opening with Cas. Dean had smugly declared that he was taking a photo to document how much cooler it was to look at a bunch of badass old cars than some lame pictures. Castiel’s expression had come out much less exasperated than he had intended and much more stupidly, affectionately, head-over-heels in love. But at least Dean had worn a matching look on his face.

The artist had rendered their images in charcoal, replacing the background with honeysuckle flowers and bumblebees. Castiel’s favorite.

Castiel’s finger’s traced below a line of script at the bottom of the page. Dean must’ve noticed, because he cleared his throat and explained

“Yeah, after we talked for a while she...she said that she could tell you and me had a...well...yeah.”

Castiel could feel wetness pooling in his eyes. Quickly but carefully, he set the book and charcoal set aside and attacked Dean in a hug so forceful they both went tumbling back onto Cas’s mattress.

“I love it, Dean.”

Castiel was doing a poor job at wiping his eyes since he could barely stop kissing Dean for a second. But Dean’s smile was bright and wide and shaky and wet-eyed, so Cas didn’t care. He dragged them both up into sitting position. Cas carefully picked the book back up, holding it away from himself to make sure he didn’t get tear smudges through the words inscribed there.

**For a most profound bond – To Castiel, with LOVE.**

“Dean, this is the best present anyone has ever gotten me.”

“It’s no big deal, babe. I’m glad you like it.”

Castiel stopped tracing the drawing for a moment when he remembered.

“You said you got me something else? Dean, this is already...it’s so much.”

“Oh, yeah, well. The other thing’s stupid.”

“What...?”

“Ok, it’s dumb, but Sammy insisted. It’s not even really a present. He thought you’d care or something, and I _told_ him that you didn’t. But he kept going on about ‘Other people care about these things, Dean’ and ‘It’s normal to have your boyfriend meet your family, Dean’ and –“

“Dean.” Castiel interrupted, lest Dean ramble on nervously forever. “What is it?”

Dean heaved a sigh.

“Alright, alright. You totally don’t have to, but I’ll take you to dinner with –uh – with me and Sammy.”

Castiel felt a nervous and excited swoop in his stomach. Cas hadn’t met the infamous younger Winchester brother yet.

“I’d love to meet Sam. I know how important he is to you.”

Dean made a face at that.

“Yeah, whatever. He's not so bad.”

As much as Dean liked to pretend otherwise, there was no hiding the wealth of love and protectiveness he felt for his younger brother.

Dean coughed.

“Alright. So. Tomorrow night?”

Castiel nodded, not trusting himself to speak without embarrassing Dean further.

“Ok. Now lets stop talking about art and my brother and shit, so I can give you your other birthday present.”

“I thought you said there were only two!”

Dean shot him a truly lascivious grin.

“Mmm, don’t worry, baby. This one’s more a present for me than it is for you.”

Cas didn’t protest one bit as Dean quickly divested them of all of their clothing. Then strong hands were cupping the backs of Cas’s knees to fold his legs up practically around his ears. Dean made Cas come twice with fingers in his ass and his cock down Dean’s throat before finally painting Cas’s chest and belly with his own built-up load.

-

Castiel’s first impression of Sam Winchester was: excitable.

“Castiel! Hey, man! It’s so good to meet you!”

The skinny boy with the head of floppy, brown hair shook his hand so enthusiastically that he felt his fingers tingle a bit. Dean rolled his eyes as he slid into the booth seat next to Cas and Sam plopped down opposite them. A few of the other patrons of the Italian restaurant gave Sam a bit of the side eye.

“Hello, Sam. It’s nice to meet you as well. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh, likewise! You wouldn’t believe how much Dean talks about you! It’s always ‘Cas is so smart’ and ‘Cas is so funny’ and ‘Cas is-“

The table jolted a bit as – Cas assumed – Dean kicked his little brother under the table.

“Shut up, Sammy. Jesus. You’re supposed to be my wingman, dude.”

Sam rolled his eyes – exhibiting to Castiel how alike the brothers truly were

“Oh please, Dean. You don’t need a wingman. You guys are obviously in love.”

Castiel felt the heat in his cheeks as he stared down at his wrist before remembering that he wasn’t wearing a watch. He heard Dean have a small coughing fit.

“I swear to God, Sam.”

“So, Cas!” Sam said brightly, ignoring his brother’s threatening tone. “You’re named for an angel, huh? I know Dean sure thinks so...”

Thankfully, they were all saved by the waitress coming around to take their drink orders, and after she left Sam seemed to have forgotten to continue to tease Dean.

As it turned out, Dean had been right the very first time he and Cas had ever spoken – Cas really did have a lot in common with Sam. Dean pretended to huff and be bored as the two went on about a number of “dorky” conversation topics – from literature, to art, to philosophy – but it was plain as day that he was thrilled at how well the two were getting along. Eventually Sam reached some sort of breaking point, though -fed up with Dean's behavior.

“You’ll have to excuse my dumb brother. He likes to pretend that he's stupid, but he’s actually really smart.”

Cas didn’t miss the slightly aggressive tone in Sam’s voice at that last assertion about Dean’s intelligence or the way he seemed to wait for Castiel’s reaction.

“I know that. He helped me with my calculus homework once.”

Tension seemed to leave Sam’s small shoulders like air deflating from a tire.

“Yeah. I mean, he could go to college if he wanted to. It’d probably be easy for him.”

Dean scoffed.

“Yeah, sure. I'm a genius with a 2.0 GPA”

Sam turned from his brother to address Cas specifically.

“I’ve told him he should go to community college. If he just _tried_ , he could have a 4.0 and transfer where ever he wanted. I know he could. Dean was the only reason the model car I built for my science project even ran. The circuits were all screwed up until Dean figured out what was wrong.”

Cas turned to look at Dean who was bent over his plate of chicken alfredo, but Cas could still see the pink coloration in his cheeks. Dean never mentioned helping his brother with that project.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Sam. Dean is one of the smartest people I know, and certainly a hard worker, as well.”

Dean snorted into his pasta.

“Cas, I skip class all the time.”

“No, he’s right, Dean,” Sam cut in. “You’re the one who has to drive me to school every day and make dinner and fix all the crap that’s always broken around the apartment and –“

“Sammy, that’s enough.”

Dean’s voice was low, but there was a note of finality - of authority - there that Cas had never heard before. There was something about it that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

“We’ve talked about this. It’s not gonna happen.”

“But why, Dean, if you just – “

“Sam.”

The two brothers stared at each other across the table. Castiel felt acutely out of place – intrusive – during this heated family moment. In the silence Castiel realized that Dean was talking to Sam like a father would. Where _was_ their father?

“Ok. Sorry, Dean.”

Several minutes passed in which the only sound from their table was the clink of glasses and the scrape of fork against plate. 

“Cas, are you-“ Sam cleared his throat shyly. “Are you going to college?”

Castiel shrugged. Truth be told, he was usually preoccupied enough with surviving graduating high school to worry too much about what came next.

“Oh, Well, I’m going.” Sam insisted

For what seemed like the first time in ages, a smile broke out across Dean’s face.

“Of course you are.” He turned to Cas. “Sammy isn’t gonna be happy until he gets his J.D. from Stanford.”

“I want to help people. I could be a public defender.” Sam said, flipping a lock of brown hair out of his eyes.

“Yeah, not with that hair, Rapunzel.”

The tension eased from the room for the rest of their meal. Dean insisted on picking up the entire tab, no matter how much Cas protested. Overall, Cas felt like it had gone very well. They were in the parking lot, having just bid their goodbyes, when Cas was stopped by a hand around his wrist. He looked around - then down - to meet eyes with little Sam Winchester.

“You go on, Dean. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Dean was frozen mid-step on his way back to the Impala.

“Nuh-uh. No way, pipsqueek.”

“What?” Sam asked innocently. “Are you worried about what I’ll say to Cas? What is there that I could tell him that’s embarrassing anyway? You don’t ever do embarrassing stuff, right Dean? Unless you’re thinking of that time I walked in on you and Rhonda Hurley in your roo-“

“Okay, okay! Jesus, Sammy! I’ll be in the car...just...” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. “...just keep your mouth shut about that stuff.”

Castiel made a mental note to wheedle that juicy information from Dean at a later date.

“Scout’s honor.”

Sam made a lock and key gesture over his mouth, and waited for Dean to trudge off towards the Impala before rounding on Cas. If Sam hadn’t been all of 4’11”, Cas would’ve felt thoroughly intimidated.

“You seem like a nice guy, Cas.”

Castiel blinked at the boy.

“Ah....thank you, Sam. You seem like a nice person, too.”

“Yeah, yeah. But...look, you better...you’d better...”

Sam seemed to steel himself up for a moment before –all too tentatively- poking a finger into Castiel’s chest.

“You’d better be good to him...okay?”

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t mean-spirited, but seeing the young boy so sincerely trying to protect his big brother - and _Dean Winchester_ at that - well, it was just adorable. Sam seemed to take offense that Castiel wasn’t taking this seriously, so Cas rushed to placate him.

“Of course, Sam. I’m very...ah...fond of Dean. I wouldn’t ever hurt him intentionally.”

“Ok. Well. Don’t hurt him _unintentionally_ either, got it?”

Castiel smiled warmly at Sam.

“Your brother isn’t some wilting flower, Sam.”

“I know he isn’t. Dean’s the toughest person I know.”

“Then why are you so concerned that he’ll be hurt?”

Sam glanced over his shoulder to where Dean sat in the driver’s seat of the Impala, drumming his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel and fiddling with the radio dials. When he turned back to Cas, he fixed him with an intent stare.

“Do you love my brother?”

Castiel’s eyes widened at such a direct question. He seemed incapable of forming words but he could feel the blush on his face.

“Yeah, I thought so,” Sam said, as if it were plain as day. “And Dean feels the same way. I know he does. And Dean doesn’t really get attached to anyone except for maybe me and...well, mom and dad, but you know how that worked out.”

“I’m very sorry about that, Sam.”

“What, for me? Nah, it’s Dean you should feel bad for. I don’t even remember mom...which is sad, too. But I think it’s harder for Dean. Remembering. I think he misses her a lot. And dad – pfft – Dean’s more of a father to me than _he’ll_ ever be... Anyway, the point is. It’s not easy for Dean. He’s used to everyone leaving him...”

Sam’s cheeks pinked slightly.

“I mean...not like. Dean’s great. That’s the problem. He thinks it’s him. But it’s not.”

There was that aggressive tone again. Apparently Dean wasn’t the only Winchester that was fiercely protective of his family.

“Sam, it’s alright. I know. Dean is...the way I feel about Dean, it’s...”

Behind them, the Impala’s horn blared impatiently. Sam sighed.

“Yeah, Cas. I understand. I wanted to be sure, that's all.”

The boy smiled up at Cas.

“I gotta go before Dean starts biting my head off again. But hey, it was nice to meetya!”

“It was nice to meet you, too, Sam.”

Castiel watched as Sam got into the Impala and the brother’s drove off – mind full of things to contemplate.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel had been such a fool.

It would be different if he hadn’t known any better, but he _had._ He had warned himself over and over of this exact scenario, and yet when the time finally came, it hit him so hard he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.

“No.” Castiel shook his head over and over, back and forth.

“Castiel, I’m sorry. I know it’s a little different this time, with you and Dean and all, but you know how this works.”

“No. I’m not going.”

“I don’t have a choice, Castiel. It’s my job.”

The walls of Castiel’s house seemed to pulsate painfully in his vision.

This wasn’t happening.

“No. No. All this time. All this moving, and I’ve never complained, father. Not once. Every time I let you pick up all of our stuff and move us, but I’m not going this time.”

“Castiel, be reasonable.”

“You be – be reasonable.” Castiel spat back, childishly. “No, I’m not going.”

“I understand that you like Dean a lot, but you’re young. I know it feels like he’s the only person you’ll ever want to be with, but in a few months you’ll hardly remember him.”

Castiel felt a wave of burning indignation course through his chest.

“It’s not like that - it’s not some teenaged puppy love thing!”

Castiel’s father gave him a knowing little smile that had fire burning in the pit of Cas’s stomach.

“But you _are_ a teenager, Castiel.”

“I may be a teenager, but I’m 18 years old. I can do whatever I want to - legally.”

“And what will you do? You only have three months until you graduate. Are you going to drop out now to get a job to support yourself? I can’t afford to rent two separate places for us to live.”

“I – I could get a job. After school.”

“Where? And you’re going to find a place to rent, as well? With no references, no credit.”

Castiel stared at his father. This was unbelievable. Castiel could feel his breaths coming rapid and shallow in his chest, and heat prickling at his eyes. He felt like screaming – like breaking something.

His father sighed.

“Castiel, I’m sorry. I truly am. If there was another way... I’m not trying to ruin your life. There _will_ be other people for you...Everyone has to go through their first heartbreak eventually.”

But Castiel didn’t want to hear that. He didn’t want to talk about heartbreak or about losing Dean. He couldn’t.

So he didn’t.

Castiel beelined right for the front door and kept going. There was only one place he wanted to go – the only issue was that he’d never been there before.

Castiel fished into his pocket, dug out his phone and redialed his most recent contact. He kept walking through the brisk night as he listened to the tinny ringing – not wanting to stop moving, wanting to outpace the reality of his life.

“Hullo” Dean’s voice was slurred somewhat over the line.

“Dean. It’s me. Did I wake you?”

“Cas?”

Some of the sluggishness cleared from Dean’s voice.

“Hey. What’s up? What’s wrong?”

Everything. Everything was wrong and Castiel couldn’t... If he said any of it out loud, it would be final. Real.

“Nothing. I had a fight with my dad. About my...uh...my grades. I wanted to...can I see you? Can I come over?”

“Uhmm...can I meet you? Somewhere else? Where are you?”

“I’m in...a park? Maybe. If you can call one swing set and a water fountain a ‘park’. I’m between my house and yours, I think.”

“Shit. Yeah. You can come over. Stay right there. I know where you are, I’ll come get you.”

The phone went silent and Castiel trudged over and plopped into the one unbroken swing in the swing set.

He would not cry. He would not break the only unbroken swing. Calm. Castiel would keep calm.

He could feel the restless anger and hurt building under his skin. The nauseating injustice of life. Didn’t he deserve to be happy? Was he living some sort of sick Greek tragedy?

No. No. He would stay calm. He was going to figure something out. He fucked up by letting himself get so attached, but there was no turning back now. No undoing how he felt for Dean. And he didn't want to.

But his father was right. What was his other option? What else could he do? No. He wouldn’t.

Castiel must’ve been completely lost in his own head, because he didn’t even realize Dean was beside him until a warm hand was curling over his shoulder.

“Dean!”

Cas shot up from the swing – barely missing head-butting his boyfriend. Dean’s green eyes – even in the darkness – shined bright with concern.

“Cas, are you ok?”

“I-”

But he couldn’t tell Dean, so Castiel opted for burying his face into the warm, soft flannel covering his boyfriend’s chest and wrapping his arms tight around Dean’s waist.

“It’s ok, Cas. It’s ok.”

Dean ran a soothing hand through Cas’s hair and murmured softly into his ear.

“Why was your dad so pissed anyway? Your grades are fine. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Castiel almost said ‘what?’ but caught himself at the last moment.

“You’re right. It’s stupid. I’m – I’m overreacting.”

“Nah, babe, it’s ok. Come on, let’s get out of the cold. You’re freezing. Couldn’t have stormed outta the house in a jacket, huh?”

Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rubbed warmth into Cas’s arm.

They had only been walking a few minutes when they came to a halt in front of an old, decrepit apartment building.

“This is – ” Dean cleared his throat. “Yeah...it’s not much.”

Castiel caught Dean’s eye and held his gaze for a moment before saying – intently:

“I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me that you live here.”

“Yeah. Right.” Dean coughed again. “Well, c’mon.”

Dean led them up a narrow flight of stairs that snaked up the outside of the building, up to the third floor landing.

“Sammy’s at his friend’s house for the night, so...”

Castiel nodded. He felt like his head was in a million places.

The inside of the apartment was actually quite nice, despite the threadbare rug and mismatched furniture. It was clean, at least, and well organized. There was a casserole dish of something on the stove that was wafting particularly delicious smells through the small rooms.

“You hungry? I made this baked pasta dish thing my mom used to...well, anyway, it’s pretty good.”

It smelled heavenly but Castiel felt too sick with anxiety to eat. He shook his head.

Dean was pressing in close, kissing Cas’s cheek softly as he cupped his chin.

“Tell me how to make you feel better. Tell me what you need, Cas.”

There was only one thing Castiel needed, and so he told Dean.

“You. I need you.”

Dean’s eyes widened for a moment, then softened with affection.

“You have me, Cas.”

“Can we...where’s your room?”

Dean intertwined his fingers in Cas’s and lead him down the short hallway. It seemed that there were two bedrooms in the apartment, but when Dean flicked on the light to his room – Cas saw that the space was clearly shared by Sam and Dean. It took him a moment to realize that the other room must have belonged to their father – despite the fact that it was surely vacant most of the time.

Sam and Dean’s bedroom was fairly small and seemed to be divided right down the middle. Sam’s side had stacks of library books and an unmade bed. Dean’s side was plastered in classic rock posters, and – surprisingly – his very own small stack of library books. Castiel bent down to look at the spines on the small stack of paperbacks.

 **The Road**  
**No Country for Old Men**  
**Blood Meridian**

“I didn’t know you liked Cormac McCarthy.”

“You...uh...said he was your favorite author, so...”

Castiel couldn’t even remember telling Dean that. Or ever talking about books, really. Dean usually liked to pretend he wasn’t into that sort of thing. Castiel wracked his brains for when they had talked about favorite authors.

“Oh. You mean when I told Charlie that while you were giving me a hard on in the back seat of her car on the way to that party?”

“Yeah, I –” Dean paused and then a grin tugged up the corner of his plush mouth. “-You had a hard on?”

“Of course I did. When the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen starts rubbing your thighs, I think the proper response is arousal. I think I’d need to be checked for some sort of hormone imbalance or erectile dysfunction if I hadn’t.”

A tiny grin was forming on Cas’s lips to match Dean’s, but then he started thinking of that night – how worried he had been that he was getting too close to Dean, because he knew that eventually...

Oh. Right.

“Cas?”

Cas looked down to where Dean’s fingers were still laced in his and lead them both to the side of Dean’s bed before pulling them both down on top of the covers. Dean didn’t need to be asked, but silently curled around Cas – holding him close.

Castiel listened to Dean’s breathing – deep and slow – and felt it warm against his neck. It wasn’t enough. Castiel turned over to bury his face into Dean’s chest and wrap his arms around him tightly.

“Cas, are you sure you’re ok? You’re gonna crack a rib here in a second.”

Castiel could feel his throat closing up, so he burrowed his nose under Dean’s flannel to rub against the smooth skin there.

“Babe?”

Castiel’s lips opened and closed over that soft, freckled skin. His tongue slipped out to taste it.

“Cas, baby. Talk to me.”

Cas took a deep breath, and pushed himself up to look into gold-flecked green eyes. For a moment, he said nothing at all – he was too overwhelmed by the flood of emotion filling him. When he looked into those eyes he saw so much. He saw the silly sense of humor that brightened every day. He saw the raw honesty that could not be buried under Dean’s insecurities and walls. He saw the confident, smirking boy who reduced him constantly to a lust-crazed puddle. He saw all of the intelligence and kindness Dean tried to hide under a layer of humorous self-deprecation.

“I love you.”

Dean’s eyes went wide. His lips parted slightly, but he didn’t speak.

“I’m so in love with you and I’m sorry if that scares you, but it’s the truth.”

Dean reached up to brush an errant strand of hair from Cas’s face. His fingers traced along Cas’s temple and over his ear, before trailing down his jawline. Dean let out a ragged breath.

“Yeah, it scares me, Cas. But only because I’m...you know. Fuck, Cas. I fucking love you so much it’s stupid. I can hardly think about anything else but you. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes, the things I think about. About us. And...you know, the future.”

The tears that had been threatening to fall all night finally slipped down Castiel’s cheeks. No, oh no. The future. Just the words made Cas’s chest feel painfully tight. He pressed a firm kiss into Dean’s mouth and that seemed to take the edge off the pain.

“I love you.” Castiel said against Dean’s lips, because now that he had finally said it he realized how good it felt to tell Dean.

“I love you. Love these lips” Dean said before catching Cas’s lower lip between his teeth. He released it after a moment to kiss softly at the corner of Cas’s mouth.

“I love your cheekbones.” Castiel said, peppering them with light kisses. “I love your eyes. I love your freckles. I love your nose. I lov-”

Then Cas was being flipped onto his back, with Dean on top of him – his weight pressing Cas into the mattress. Castiel lost his words as Dean began to lick into his mouth and his hands began exploring every inch of Cas’s body.

Cas was already incredibly hard, but he could feel – against his hip – that Dean was too. Dean’s fingers were hard at work, pulling up the hem of Cas’s shirt to tug it up over his head, working at the buttons of Cas’s pants, and eventually – when it was clear that Castiel’s own fumbling fingers weren’t going to be able to unbutton Dean’s flannel – unbuttoning his own shirt.

Castiel had better luck with the button and fly of Dean’s pants and didn’t hesitate to plunge his hand in there to wrap his fingers around Dean’s smooth, hard cock. Dean’s head hung down from his shoulders as he let out a low moan.

Castiel continued to pump up and down Dean’s thick shaft as Dean removed the rest of their clothing. Dean tilted his hips in then and his slick cock bumped up against Castiel’s causing a burst of pleasure to run through his body.

“Yeah. God, Cas. You feel so good. Always feel so good. I love your body. Love your cock.”

Castiel had his hand wrapped around the back of Dean’s neck to keep him in close – close enough that Cas could breath his air and kiss his lips and forget that a world existed outside of them.

“Dean, I want to have sex with you.”

Dean looked down into his eyes – searching for something in Cas’s eyes. 

“Do you have...things?” Castiel asked. “Lube?”

Dean’s hips were still thrusting – causing the glide and friction of their erections against each other. He kept at it a moment before he nodded and kissed Cas lightly on the lips. Then his warmth was gone and Dean was fishing something out of the back of his closet. A small bottle of lubricant and a gold foil wrapped condom.

“Do we need the condom?” Cas asked. “Are you – you know – have you been tested?”

Castiel wanted to be smart about this, but he also trusted Dean, and he didn’t want any barrier between them, if he could help it. Dean nodded immediately in response to his question.

“I got tested right after we started going out. I’m clean.”

Castiel nodded.

“And I’m...I’ve never...”

Dean crawled back on top of Cas and kissed him quiet.

“I know, Cas. It’s ok. I’ll take care of you.”

“I know. I trust you.”

Dean’s lips were back on Cas’s then, and Castiel’s eyes slipped closed as Dean gently cupped under his knees to pull his legs wider apart. Castiel heard the cap of the lube bottle snap open and then a cool, slick finger was slipping past his cheeks to rub gently against his hole.

By now Castiel was used to the feeling of Dean’s thick fingers pushing into him, but the sensation still took his breath away. Tonight he was impatient, though. He wanted Dean and he wanted to feel him in his muscles and in his bones. Light touches and gentle caresses were too ephemeral. Cas needed something solid and hard and raw.

“Oh God, Dean. More. Please.”

Dean nuzzled into Cas, nipping at his ear lobes, before sliding another finger into that tight heat. Dean was pumping into Cas and stretching him with his fingers, but he was steering clear of Castiel’s prostate. When Castiel tried to angle his body to get Dean to hit that spot, Dean let out a soft chuckle.

“Not yet, Cas. I want you to come when I’m inside you. I wanna feel it happen.”

“Then do it. Now. I’m ready. I want it.”

Dean groaned.

“Me, too, sweetheart. Jesus, I’m so hard right now. You see what you’re doing to me, Cas?”

“C’mon, Dean. I want you. Fuck me.”

“Yes, sir.” Dean replied with a slightly shaky grin.

Then the bottle of lube was being popped open again and a copious amount was slathering Dean’s cock and another generous squirt was being rubbed around Cas’s rim and along the inside of him, too.

Dean leaned down to give him an all too tender kiss while his slippery erection nudged behind Cas’s balls and slipped back down the crack of his ass.

Seemingly from nowhere, Castiel felt a rush of panic again – remembering that he was supposed to be leaving this. Leaving Dean. He reached up to cup Dean’s face.

“Dean. Dean.”

Dean’s lust dazed eyes found his.

“I love you. No matter what happens after this, promise me that you’ll remember that. What you are to me...it’s everything.”

Dean smiled down at Cas fondly and brushed his fingertips over Cas’s cheek.

“Don’t worry, Cas. You’ll be awesome. I don’t care that you’re a virgin. When I’m with you it’s better than it’s ever been with anyone else. You’re different, Cas. There’s no contest.”

What could Castiel do but go along with Dean’s mistaken assumption? He nodded and tried to fight the way his throat was closing up with emotion.

“But tell me. Tell me you know.”

“I do. Baby. I won’t forget, I promise.”

Castiel nodded again, some strange, desperate part of him satisfied.

“I’m ready.”

Even after so many of Dean’s fingers, Cas felt the stretch as the thick head of Dean’s cock pushed past that tight ring of muscle.

“Oh God.” Cas gasped.

Dean stilled immediately, with only the tip of his dick wrapped in Cas’s warmth.

“Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?”

“No, no, no. Oh my God. Your cock feels... Oh God, Dean. Deeper. Ungh. Deeper. Please.”

“Anything you want, baby.”

Slowly, Dean slipped deeper into Cas until his entire cock was buried into his boyfriend and Cas was gasping.

“Oh. Unnnh. Dean. You’re so big. Huge. Feels so good.”

And Dean, the asshole, actually chuckled at this.

“You been watching pornos to get those lines?”

He smirked as he tilted his hips back until the ridge of the head of his cock caught on Cas’s rim, then – with a little more force this time – pushed all the way back in, punching several loud sobs of pleasure from Cas’s chest.

“I’m – ungh – I’m serious. You’re just –ahhh – constantly rubbing against my – oh, mmm, God – against my prostate. Oh oh. So good. So – umf. Harder, Dean. Fuck me harder.”

“Oh yeah? Jesus, you look so good falling apart all over my cock. Does that feel good, Cas?”

Dean’s hips began to move faster as he spoke. Fucking into Cas with a little more power. Castiel’s hands were everywhere. Stroking his own cock, softly rubbing Deans nipples, tugging Dean's hair, gripping around to Dean’s ass to pull him in deeper.

“How does my dick feel inside you, baby?”

“I love it.” Cas let out a low wail as Dean gave him a particularly forceful thrust. “Love you fucking me. I love you.”

“I love you, too. God, I fucking love you. And your ass! Your ass is fucking perfect. I love this ass. I'm gonna keep this ass forever.”

Forever - the word pulled a small, pathetic sob from his chest, but it was hidden by the rest of his moans. This wasn't enough. He needed more. Needed it harder.

"Wait."

Cas put his hand on Dean's chest and he immediately eased himself out of Cas.

"Are you ok, baby?

Castiel scrambled eagerly onto his hands and knees, unabashed about how wantonly he was presenting himself. Dean let out a low whistle.

“Come on, Dean. I want it hard. I want to feel you.”

“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Cas.”

But that made the tight feeling in Cas's chest even worse.

"Please, Dean. Fuck me hard. Hold me down and fuck me open until I can't see straight."

Dean’s hand came down in a light slap onto Cas’s right ass cheek and gripped the flesh there.

“Sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, too. Dirty mouth _and_  a pretty pink hole all stretched out by my cock. Mmm, fuck yeah. I'm gonna fuck that tight ass until you're screaming for it, baby.”

Then Dean was pushing his thick erection back into Cas again, and both of them were moaning loudly, and it definitely wasn’t going to last long. With this position, Dean could grip Cas’s hips tightly and pound hard into him. Relentless and brutal and exactly what Cas needed and what had an endless, wordless moan emanating from his chest.

“Cas, baby. You feel too good. So fucking good. I’m not gonna last much longer.”

A thrill of lust burned through Cas’s body.

“Yes, yes, yes. Come inside me, Dean. I want your come in me. I want to feel it.”

Dean was thrusting hard and panting harder.

“Yeah, Cas? You want me to fill your ass up? You want this load inside you?”

"Yes. Yes. Dean. Please. Yes."

Cas groaned deeply, and suddenly his orgasm was crashing through his body hard – curling his fists into the sheets, spurting white over the sheets below him. He could feel his muscles clenching rhythmically around Dean’s cock, and then Dean was moaning and sucking hard at the skin of his shoulder. His fingers dug deeper into Cas’s hips -moving Cas’s body up and down over his spurting cock – working Cas’s contracting muscles over his dick – milking every drop of his release deep into Cas.

They were both trembling as Dean slowly pulled his spent cock out of Cas. Dean, unconcerned about their sweat and body fluids, collapsed to the bed and pulled Cas down into his arms.

“Was it good for you, baby?” Dean half-joked, but Castiel could hear the genuine concern in his voice.

“I don’t think I want to do anything else ever again.”

Dean chuckled but said a quiet ‘ok’ into the skin of Cas’s shoulder.

“Can I sleep here?” Cas mumbled, already half asleep.

Dean tensed slightly, and didn’t answer for a minute.

“Of course, Cas. Go to sleep.”

“Mmmlove you.”

Cas heard soft laughter.

“I love you too, Castiel.”

-

Castiel blinked his eyes open to darkness. 

It took him a moment to realize that what had woken him was Dean softly stroking his side. Then another moment to remember that he was in Dean's bed. The slight ache reminded him that he'd finally had sex with Dean.

"What time is it?" Cas whispered.

Dean's hand froze for a second, as if he were surprised that Cas was awake.

"It's late. Maybe 2 AM. Sorry I woke you."

"It's ok."

Cas searched in the dark for Dean's lips and made a quiet, contented noise when he found them. Deans arms pulled him in tighter. There was something so intimate about sleeping together there in the dark with only their skin and their quiet breaths between them.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Cas."

Cas moved closer - lips soft against Dean's ear. His hand found Dean's and guided him to where he was still stretched and slick with Dean's come. Dean's fingers slipped into him easily and moved slowly. Reverently. 

Castiel felt his cock beginning to fill and rubbed it against Dean's belly as Dean continued to slowly work in and out of Castiel. Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean's bicep and Dean understood him - easing his fingers out of Cas and rolling over to position himself between Cas's thighs. Dean's cock slid into Castiel easier this time. They moved slower. Dean stayed pressed in close enough to Cas to kiss his lips softly as his hips rocked into Cas. 

They didn't speak. It didn't seem necessary. They had already told each other the only thing that mattered. So they held each other and closed their eyes and focused on where they touched. Where their bodies came together. 

"Cas." Dean whispered right before he pressed his lips into Cas and buried himself deep into Cas.

Castiel kissed softly back at Dean's lips as Dean came inside him again. As Dean's panting breath started to slow, Cas wrapped his hand around the back of Dean's neck to keep him close.

Dean's hand found Cas's cock and worked him over in slow, firm strokes. Castiel was warm and full where Dean was still buried in him, and it only took a half dozen passes of Dean's fist before he was clenching up around Dean and panting into his mouth.

They fell asleep again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no. Angst coming. Don't worry too much (I'm a fan of happy endings in every form...)
> 
> Also, there is use of derogatory language (the bad kind, not the sexy kind.) If you're concerned about those things, please see the end of chapter notes first.

“Dean!”

Castiel’s eyes fought to blink through early-morning grogginess. For a moment he thought he was encased in a warm, smooshy sleeping bag – until he realized that he was all wrapped up in his (mostly naked) boyfriend’s limbs. His boyfriend who stirred but didn’t wake.

“Dean, get your ass out here!”

Suddenly, Dean’s limbs pulled tight against him –protectively – before Dean shot up in bed.

“Oh fuck. Shit. Fuck fuck fuck.”

Dean’s eyes darted around his empty bedroom and their piles of clothing strewn over the floor.

“Is that your father?” Castiel whispered.

Dean’s slightly wild eyes met Cas’s and he nodded.

“He came back yesterday,” Dean whispered back. “but then he left again and I thought -”

Dean was cut off by vigorous pounding on his bedroom door. 

“ –usually when he goes on a bender he’s gone for days and -”

“Dean, you’d better open this damn door, I swear to God.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. I’ll be right out.” Dean shouted through the door, then in a whisper to Cas: “Just stay here. I’ll be back. Don’t worry, ok? You’ll be ok.”

But Cas wasn’t worried about himself, he was worried about the love of his life who was currently tugging on the closest clothing he could find and trying to flatten his hair down. He turned towards the door, but then quickly spun around to give Cas a quick, reassuring kiss. Cas wanted to ask what the hell he was supposed to do, but Dean was already slipping through the door and shutting it firmly behind him. 

“Why is that door locked?” 

Castiel could hear John Winchester’s anger and the edge of a drunken lilt even through the closed door.

“I – Because – I”

“Is Sammy in there?”

Castiel felt his breath catch in apprehension and wondered if he should risk getting out from under the covers to put his clothes back on.

“No, sir.” Dean’s voice seemed thin, quiet.

“Well, where the hell is he?”

“He wanted to stay at his friend’s house, and I thought -”

“You thought the boy would be better off hanging around those friends of his than seeing his own father? Those _friends_ that put all that nonsense into his head about leaving?” John shouted. “I haven’t seen Sammy in months and you thought it wasn’t important for him to come home?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You’re goddamn right you weren’t thinking. What the hell is the matter with you, boy? Go pick him up!”

There was a beat of silence and Cas held his breath.

“I told Sam’s friend's parents that I’d pick him up at 11...” Dean responded carefully. “It’s only 7. If I go pick him up now they might think something’s up, you know?” 

There wasn’t a threat there, but Dean did seem to be hinting at some unspoken consequence.

“Yeah...yeah, alright.” John almost seemed tempered for a moment, but then his sour mood rebounded right back. “But if he comes back here talking all that bullshit about college again, there’s gonna be hell to pay and it’s your ass on the line. You hear me?

“Yes, sir.”

“And why do you have damn door locked? What the hell are you hiding in there, Dean?”

Castiel felt his skin go cold as he jumped out of bed and began frantically putting his clothes back on. 

“Nothing, sir.”

“Do you have a girl in there? Don’t lie to me, Dean.”

“No, sir. I don’t have a girl in my room.”

“Then let me in.”

“Dad, please...”

“I said, let me in.”

Castiel felt nauseous. Was this what Dean dealt with every time his father came home?

“I can’t.”

If John had been displeased before, his next words conveyed outright fury.

“You think you can disobey an order, soldier? Who in the hell do you think you are? I put a roof over your head and this is the ungrateful attitude I get from you?” 

“I – I do have someone in there.”

“You lied to me?”

Castiel was dressed again, but his shoes were still off and his palms were sweating into the bed sheets clenched in his hands.

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“Damnit, Dean, it is too goddamn early for this riddle bullshit. Tell me what the hell is going on!”

Cas thought he might actually throw up. He looked out the bedroom window, then remembered that they were three stories up.

“My boyfriend’s in there. And I’m not letting you in. So you can just – just storm outta here or you can hit me or do whatever you gotta do, but you’re not gonna lay a damn finger on Cas.”

“Your WHAT?”

Silence followed. It dragged out terribly into an unknown conclusion, and Cas couldn’t deal with that. He couldn’t let Dean be hurt. He was halfway to the door when he heard John’s voice again. The anger was gone somehow, but what replaced it was so much worse.

“I can’t fucking believe this. My own son a – a -. Maybe this was my fault. Leaving you boys alone so much. You needed a goddamn male role model around and I wasn’t there to keep you flying straight.”

Dean didn’t answer.

“I can’t even look you in the face right now. I need a goddamn drink”

There was more silence, and after a moment – the sound of a door opening and closing. Cas was across the room – hand on the doorknob when it flew in, almost snagging his nose.

“Dean!”

Dean looked close to cracking his teeth with how hard his jaw was clenched, and his eyes wouldn’t meet Cas’s. 

“Sorry about that, Cas.”

“Oh, Dean...”

Castiel grabbed his boyfriend by his square jaw and forced him to make eye contact.

“You have nothing to apologize for. This isn’t your fault.” Castiel’s brows furrowed. “This. Isn’t. Your. Fault.”

Dean must’ve understood what Cas really meant – that none of _all_ of these terrible things were his fault – because he just sort of crumpled into Cas’s arms. 

“Fuck.” Dean’s voice was thick and muffled by Cas’s shoulder. 

“I heard what he said, Dean, but he’s wrong. About everything.”

“The look on his face, Cas. I don’t know what he’s gonna do...”

Cas felt burned on the inside with fear and anger and sadness. Seeing Dean like this – being treated so poorly by his father – made Cas feel even worse than when his own father had – 

Of course. Why hadn't Cas thought of it earlier?

Dean and Cas both needed to get away. Dean needed to get away from his father and Cas...well Cas needed to stay with Dean. But how could Cas ask Dean to run away with him when they had only just found the courage to say ‘I love you’ to each other? Maybe if Cas convinced Dean to run away first, then after – afterwards he could tell Dean about his own fight with his father and his need to get away...

“Dean, run away!”

Dean sniffed and pulled back, the green in his eyes reflective with a sheen of tears.

“What?”

“Run away. Get away from Lawrence. Far away. Go to - to-" 

Cas wracked his brains. Dean never talked about getting away, but Sam had, and Dean would go where ever Sam did. 

"Go to California. To Stanford. You and Sam."

“Cas, what’re you talking about?”

“You can’t stay here with your dad. The way he treats you...”

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times before speaking.

“Yeah, it’s bad, Cas, but I’m not gonna run away. That’s crazy.”

“I’m serious, Dean. Why not?”

Dean’s eyes were wide with fear and hurt.

“Why not? Well, fuck, there’s no way I could get away with taking Sammy with me without my dad losing his shit. Plus, I’m not...I don’t wanna leave y-...I’m not gonna tuck tail and bolt just cause shit’s getting a little hairy for me.”

Castiel felt a flare of frustration.

“’A little hairy’? Are you joking, Dean? Is that some sort of sick joke? That poor excuse for a man - let alone a father - is ruining your life. The way he treats you. Jesus. I never understood how a person as smart and kind and funny as you are could think so poorly of himself, but now it all makes sense. That man is poison to you Dean. He’s saddled you with responsibility so heavy and for so long, I don’t know how you can handle it.”

Castiel didn’t know how it happened, but he was shouting and he couldn’t stop.

“I heard the way he talked about how he doesn’t want Sam to go to college. Is that why you always pretend that you hate anything intellectual? You’re trying to placate that horrible man? God, and now. Now! What he said to you about – about us...that awful homophobic vitriol? You have to get away, Dean.”

“Cas, you don’t understand. Yeah, he’s a bitter old fuck, but it’s not his fault. When my mom died -” Dean faltered for a moment “It ruined him. He got so obsessed with finding her killer and keeping us safe that-”

“No, Dean. Don’t defend that man to me. I won't believe that you're deluded enough to even believe that, yourself.”

“Hey, fuck you, Cas.” Dean spat back. “You don’t understand what it’s like, ok? Yeah, your mom is psycho, but at least she’s alive. And your dad would probably put a fucking rainbow bumper sticker on his car if you asked him.”

“Maybe I haven’t been through what you’ve been through, but I can see that what’s happening to you isn’t right. You can’t stay here.”

“Nobody asked you, Cas. Because it’s none of your fucking business. Nothing about this is any concern of yours. What I do – what happens to me – you can consider yourself unburdened with this shit, ok? Because I don’t want your help.”

And that hurt something awful.

“Dean...” Cas shook his head, at a loss for words.

Dean’s arms were folded and tucked tight against his chest. His eyes were fixed on a spot on the wall.

“I think you should go, Cas.”

“Dean, please. I’m sorry about what I said about your father. Please just talk to-”

“Get out, Cas. I’m not joking around. You need to leave before my psycho, fag-bashing dad gets back and kicks the crap outta both of us, right?”

“Dean.”

“OUT!”

Somehow Castiel made it out the door and down the precarious flight of steps with his vision obscured with tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobic language and attitudes care of the ever-sensitive John Winchester...


	9. Chapter 9

For five years, Castiel thought of Dean Winchester every single day. 

He thought of that stupid fight they had, the day Dean came out to his dad, they day after Castiel lost his virginity. Even years later, just thinking about that fight put a little hole in Cas’s gut. He couldn’t believe the way he had left Dean. 

After that it was a whirlwind of disaster and bad luck. As soon as he had stepped foot back in his house, his father announced that he was needed in Fort Hood more urgently than originally planned, and that their departure was in two days. 

That two days was utter torture for Cas. Dean’s phone was off – always going straight to voicemail – but Cas still tried calling every 15 minutes. Every spare moment he could escape his house, he ran to Dean’s place but he was never home. No one was ever home. 

**Dean. PLEASE. Call me. It’s important - C** said the note tucked under the welcome mat of the Winhester’s apartment.

 **My father is being relocated to Texas. We’re leaving in the morning. Please call me.** said the note taped to their front door.

It was silly to still be upset by those memories after five long years, but Cas still tried to not think about it too much. Even now, his hands shook a little bit as he dug his fingers in to pry open the lid of a small wooden box. 

The first thing tucked under the lid was a small twig – meaningless detritus to a casual observer - snapped from the oak tree Dean used to climb every Sunday morning to sneak through Cas’s bedroom window. Cas still remembered how inconsolable he had been the morning he left Lawrence forever. He had some of Dean’s things. A forgotten hoodie. The very first note he had ever sent Cas. But none of it was enough, because all of the mementos in the world would never replace the real thing. So Cas took a piece of the old oak tree with him, if only because it was another thing Dean touched. It stayed clasped in his hand the entire trip to Texas. 

Under the twig was an old smashed cell phone. That one came with a flood of embarrassment right alongside the timeworn sadness. 

It had been weeks. Weeks in the godforsaken hell of the heat and conservativism of central Texas. Weeks without a word from Dean. Weeks of yelling at his father. Weeks of white knuckling it through the days without losing it completely. Weeks of calling Dean every single day. (He kicked himself for never getting Sam’s number or Charlie’s or _anyone’s._ He cursed Dean’s aversion to social networking.) 

Three weeks, two days since he last spoken to Dean. It was late at night, but his father wasn’t home yet. Dean’s phone had been going straight to voicemail ever since that first day, but Castiel wouldn’t let himself believe what that might mean. 

But when he called Dean’s number to hear an error message – an out of service message – a message telling him, essentially, that he had lost his last line of communication with Dean - Cas threw his phone at the wall so hard it cracked the plaster and broke his phone to pieces. 

Castiel put the pieces of the phone on the carpet next to the twig from the oak tree. 

The next thing, sequentially, that was in the box, was something intangible. It was emptiness.

Castiel managed to muddle his way through the last months of senior year of high school. (New student again – not speaking a word more to his classmates than absolutely necessary.) And after that... well... Castiel had never planned for an after. He got a store clerk job at a Gas-n-Sip. He went to work in the mornings and came home straight after. 

Six months after moving to Texas, Castiel’s father began hounding him incessantly to make friends, to go out on dates and to move on. It was only the guilt he saw in his father’s eyes that eventually convinced Castiel to try to move on. He began to talk to his coworkers. He took a few night classes. 

He even went on a few dates. Only with men with sandy blond hair or with green eyes or who drove classic cars or dropped him trashy pick-up lines. 

Only first dates. Never second dates. Because, if Cas was lucky, they would turn out to be nothing like Dean and Cas would only have to endure a night of empty pleasantries and an awkward, curt goodnight. But if Cas was unlucky, their eyes would crinkle at the corners when they laughed the way that Dean’s did or they’d rub the back of their neck when they were nervous. It was those dates that Castiel could lose himself in the fantasy. But the moment they said goodbye, Castiel would feel sick to his stomach with the reality. It was playing pretend. 

Nine months after moving to Texas, Castiel’s father was relocated again. But by that time Cas was an adult. He had a job. He even had a few friends. So his father left, and Castiel stayed. 

The next thing in the little wooden box was a Greyhound bus ticket stub: Killeen, TX to San Jose, CA. 

Castiel only lasted three more months in Texas. The thing was – Castiel was ok. Really.

“I’m ok. Really, Balthazar. I promise you. I’m not having a breakdown over Dean.” 

Castiel’s favorite coworker-turned-friend had driven him to the Greyhound station.

“Cassy, I don’t believe you. Frankly, you’re quite full of shit.”

“I’m not. I just...I don’t belong here. You know I don’t. Plus, I think I’ve already run through central Texas’s entire, pitifully small eligible gay bachelor pool.” Castiel joked.

“Oh, please. Look me in the eye and tell me that you’re not still madly in love with Dean Winchester and I’ll drop it forever.”

Castiel sighed.

“I can’t say that. He was my first love. I think – I think he was the love of my life. But that’s ok.”

“Christ, Cassy, don’t be melodramatic.”

“I’m serious, Balthazar. Many people never get even one epic love. I got mine. Even if it ended...the way it did...”

“You mean with that selfish prick cutting you out of his life forever without a word?”

“Balthazar...you have no idea what happened. Neither do I. I’m grateful that I got that time with him, even if it was short. He loved me.”

“Don’t be such a fool.”

That had bristled Castiel’s skin.

“I’m not. For a long time, I would’ve said the same. Only fools fall in love or _believe_ in love. But I was wrong. I see that now. It’s not fools that love, it’s the brave ones. I’m done being too callous to see that.” 

Balthazar had nothing to say to that, but Castiel’s bus was coming anyway and he had to go. He hugged his friend one last time and headed off into the unknown. What Castiel hadn’t told Balthazar was how he had chosen where he was going. Castiel had been getting increasingly sick of the Texas weather and political climate – so he’d spent weeks trying to think of a new place to live.

The thing was – sometimes he’d still think about what could’ve been if Dean had run away with him. If him and Dean and little Sam Winchester had run off to California together. So when Castiel imagined himself happy – he imagined himself there. So, with limited funds, Castiel searched for the closest Greyhound station to Stanford University and that’s where he chose. What Castiel had also not told Balthazar was that his departure was one year to the day from when he had last seen Dean. 

The bus ticket stub joined the twig and the broken phone on the floor. Cas unfolded a neon yellow piece of paper that had been handled so many times that it was worn at the edges. 

California was green and beautiful. For the first time in a long time, Castiel felt happy. He still thought about Dean all the time. Sometimes he’d have a particularly delicious piece of pie or bottle of a local microbrew and think about how much Dean would like it – but it didn’t cripple him with sadness anymore to think of those things.

He got a job at an apiary, apprenticing with a beekeeper. He went to the farmer’s market on Saturdays and Wednesdays. He made friends. He went on first dates. He still didn’t go on second dates. 

The date that marked two years since he had seen Dean, he went out and bought a small wooden box. There were two types of things that Cas owned that were connected to Dean: the things that made him sad and the things that made him happy. The things that made him sad – that reminded him of the break up they didn’t even get to have – they went into the box that went in the back of his closet. The good memories – well, Cas got to keep those. 

The neon yellow piece of paper – that wouldn’t get a place in the box until five months later. 

Cas was in his favorite coffee shop waiting for his chai. He loved that particular coffee shop for two reasons: 1) Their chai was wickedly spicy and burned his nostrils 2) They had a rotating selection of amateur art by locals at cheap prices. The second fact was the only way he had been able to decorate his tiny studio apartment. It was a Tuesday, so there was a new batch up. 

One in particular caught his eye. A charcoal drawing of a door. Just a door. It wasn't complicated or intricate or even particularly skilled. It looked very much like an amateur drawing of a door. Maybe a bedroom door. Castiel was drawn to it for some reason he couldn’t figure out. It was $15.

“Hey, Alfie?” 

“Hey, Cas. You interested in getting another one?”

Castiel had nodded to the fresh-faced barista. 

“The door.”

“No problem, let me just find the guy’s info and you can give him a call.”

A minute later Castiel had gotten his large chai and a phone number written on a neon yellow post-it. He called as soon as he was out of the shop.

“Hello?” A deep voice greeted him over the line.

“Hello, I’m calling about the art piece you have at the Rainbow’s End coffee shop. I’d like to purchase it if you haven’t already had a competing offer. It’s very good.”

“Oh, yeah it is, huh? My brother did it, I’m just taking care of selling it for him. Brokering, you know?”

“Ah, sure. Yes.” Castiel said, even if he didn’t. “Anyway. I’m available today to give you the money, if that’s convenient for you.”

“Damn, I’m sorry, dude. I’m actually getting ready to leave. My brother's at work and I’ve got an internship I need to get to at 1. So unless you can get here in fifteen minutes -”

“Where do you live?” Castiel wasn’t sure why he was so impatient to get that drawing, but he was.

“Oh. Uh...532 Vine St. Just north of the Alameda.”

“I can be there in five minutes.”

532 Vine St. turned out to be an apartment complex. Castiel was just getting his phone out to call back the art ‘broker’ to ask which apartment he was in, when someone started shouting.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Castiel looked around, wanting to avoid any quarrelling, but was surprised to find a _giant,_ hulking man advancing on him with fury in his eyes.

“Who the fuck do you think you are showing your face here?”

“Excuse me? I think you have me confused with someone else.”

The large, shaggy-haired man seemed even more enraged by Cas’s words.

“Are you fucking joking me? You don’t remember me? What, are you going tell me that you don’t remember Dean either?”

A million emotions ran through Castiel at once. Confusion, recognition, disbelief. He thought he might pass out or cry. No, he must be dreaming. He must have misheard. Maybe he was hallucinating. 

“Sam? I didn’t – you look so different. You said – is Dean here? Does he live here? Sam, please, is he here?”

Castiel’s heart was hammering inside his chest.

“That is none of your fucking business, Castiel. I don't know what sort of - of - _game_ you're playing at here, dude, but Dean doesn’t want to see you ever again. If you came here thinking there’d be some sort of kiss-and-make-up situation, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“He what?”

“He. Doesn’t. Want. To. See. You. And I don’t either, so you should go. Get out of here before I make you leave.”

"Ok, Sam. I'm going. I am. Just...please. Tell Dean I'm - I still - I never stopped -" Castiel's breath was coming fast and his head was swimming. "Nevermind. I'm sorry." 

Castiel turned heel and bolted. He never did get another chance to buy that charcoal drawing. 

That was over two years ago. 


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel ran his thumb over the edge of the post-it note.

That day had been one of the worst days of his life. Right up there with the last day he saw his mother, the last day he saw Dean and the day he left Lawrence. He called in sick to work for the rest of the week and barely left his studio.

He was in shock. After all this time and halfway across the country – they were so close again, but Dean wanted nothing to do with him. Castiel hadn’t realized how strong his feelings still were for Dean until that moment.

It was a full week until he felt functional again. Part of him – the childish part – waited until the next Tuesday to go back to his favorite coffee shop - waited for the art to be rotated out - because he didn’t think he could handle seeing a piece of art created by the same fingers that had once held him and touched him and been inside him.

He was half a block from the coffee shop when his feet started to slow, even still. What if something else Dean had created had made the rounds again this week? He forced himself to be strong, to keep going.

The swinging glass door felt like it was made of lead and Cas couldn’t force himself to look up from the carpet, but he made it inside and to the counter.

“Castiel!”

“Hi, Alfie. I’m sorry I haven’t been in. It’s been a rough-”

“Castiel, didn’t you see?” Alfie interrupted. “Look!”

Alfie’s face was giddy as he gestured to the walls.

Every single piece was a charcoal drawing. There must’ve been three dozen. Each one of the same person. A smiling portrait of a young man with a gummy smile. That same young man asleep in a rumpled pile of blankets and with even more rumpled hair. Bent over a school desk scribbling a note. Dressed in a bed sheet toga, laying in the grass in a small park. Standing in a small bedroom between a familiar looking door and a window looking out over an old oak tree.

“Cas?”

After all those years, that voice felt the same in his ears. Like it belonged.

“Dean.”

God, had he always been that handsome? Were his eyes greener? Did his lips look softer? His jaw was certainly more square and covered with a stubble that hadn’t been there before. But surely that nose was the same. The freckles on his hands. Had he forgotten how beautiful Dean was? Maybe he had chosen to forget so it wouldn’t hurt so badly.

-

“Cas, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

-

Cas’s fingers froze their path back and forth over the edge of the neon yellow post-it note. He looked up from his spot on the floor next to the small, wooden box and some sad, old memories to see the most handsome man in the world – who was currently looking at him with a very familiar expression of fond exasperation - leaned against the door frame to the bedroom.

“Babe, we’ve gotta leave in like 5 minutes. What’re you -” Dean’s face fell as his gaze landed on the gutted contents of the box. “Shit. The box.”

Dean dropped to the floor behind Cas – pulling Cas back into his lap and hooking his chin over Cas’s shoulder.

“Hey. What’s going through your head?” His voice was quieter now. Softer. “You’re – are you having second thoughts?”

Cas shook his head.

“Of course not, Dean. I just – I wanted to look over these things one last time, for closure. I want to get rid of it. Now, before we have to go.”

“Yeah?”

Dean wasn’t making a judgement call either way. He was letting Cas decide what he wanted to do, and little things like that reminded Cas every day that he was doing the right thing.

“Yes. They’re a reminder of a very sad time in both of our lives, but one that was the fault of no one but truly unfortunate bad luck.”

“Well. It was sort of my dad’s fault.” Dean reasoned. “He did throw out all those notes you left at our place about having to move before I saw them. And made us all go to Bobby's that weekend so I wouldn't see you. Plus, he confiscated my phone. AND he was the reason we fought in the first place.”

Castiel turned around to look at Dean. Dean’s face was shadowed by wounds still raw and tender.

“Ok. Maybe it was partially your father’s fault. But he’s gone now.”

Dean’s green eyes dropped.

“Yeah. At least that bastard isn’t still alive today to make a scene.”

But the anger was mostly gone from his voice.

“It was partially my fault.”

“Don’t be stupid, Cas.”

“I’m not. I told you what Sam told me the day I met him. He gave me the best advice he had, and I was too scared and stupid to listen. When I told you to run away, I should’ve made it clear that I was going to go with you.”

“Yeah, well maybe I shouldn’t be the one with the fucked up abandonment issues in the first place."

“Ok, we’ll let your dad take the fall for that one, as well.”

Castiel gave a small, shrewd smile to Dean who laughed weakly. There was still a lot damage there to be undone, but they had already made so much headway. Dean was strong and he would mend those wounds. And Cas was there to support him.

“Yeah, ok.”

Dean looked down at the post-it in Cas’s hands. He curled his fingers over Cas’s.

“I never understood why you kept that note in the box. It brought us back together.”

“To be fair – Sam did really devastate me with what he said.”

“He was just being stupid. Thought lying to you would protect me from getting my heart broken again. He knew that those sexy blue eyes and perky ass were dangerous.”

Castiel gave Dean a playful shove.

“I know his heart was in the right place. Anyway, he came around. He told you I was there. Regardless, the fate that ripped us apart deemed it right to put us back together. It doesn’t matter now that it happened.”

“See, babe, that’s where I think you’re wrong.”

Castiel tilted his head.

“How do you mean?”

“It wasn’t fate. That was us.” Dean smiled and pushed an errant strand of hair from Cas’s face. “Why’d you choose to move to California? Not just California, but like 20 minutes from Stanford?”

“Because it’s where I imagined myself happy. You know that.”

“Yeah” Dean smirked and gave Cas a quick peck on the lips. “I do. And you found me because I made all those shitty charcoal drawings that -”

“Excuse me, I happen to be the proud owner of many Dean Winchester originals and I happen to think those drawings are very good.” Cas countered, indignantly, making Dean laugh.

“If they’re any good it’s only because my subject was so gorgeous. But my point is, I only started drawing that charcoal stuff – shit, I only did any art at all – because I missed the hell out of you so goddamn bad I wanted to do anything that reminded me of you.”

“But I don’t get what this has to do with fate.”

“Baby, we didn’t run into each other in a fucking train station in Prague or some romance movie shit like that. You moved here because you still wanted to be with me. I made all those charcoal drawings because I still wanted to be with you. That’s not fate, Cas. That’s free will.”

And somehow that was even more romantic than destiny.

“You’re entirely right. Then this box is the box of bad luck and circumstance, but _us_? We can be the masters of our own destiny.”

Dean laughed.

“Yeah, we’re making it up as we go along.”

“I think we’re doing alright for ourselves.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dean was smiling easy now with his hands planted at Cas’s waist. “Even helping support a moocher like me?”

Cas leaned in closer to Dean.

“Ah, you mean the handsome, hard-working future engineer? I suppose it’s my fault for bugging you so long about going back to school and pursuing a career you’d love.”

“Even in a crummy two bedroom apartment we have to share with my nerd of a brother and his girlfriend?”

“You know I love Jess.”

Dean laughed. His grin was so wide now that it lit up his whole face. He looked down at himself – crouched on the floor, curled up around Cas – the tuxedo he was wearing was bunched up in places and certainly beginning to wrinkle.

“Even with your husband looking like a rumpled hobo at your wedding?”

Cas looked down at his own clothes.

“Seeing how late we're running, I might have to ask you if _you’re_ ok with your husband wearing sweatpants and a Zepplin t-shirt to your wedding.”

Dean pulled Cas closer so that their foreheads rested together and their noses just lightly brushed.

“Yeah, but it’s _my_ Zepplin shirt, so that’s basically the same as giving you a second wedding band, right?”

“Ah. Does that mean you’re proposing again?”

And it was silly how much it made Cas’s heart race. Dean was already his fiancé. His groom. His almost (in a few short hours) husband.

Dean reached up to trace his fingers over the corner of Cas's lips.

“Cas, I’ll propose to you every day for the rest of our lives, if it'll make you smile like this.”

“Dean, you don’t need to be so sappy just because it’s our wedding day.”

If anything, Dean’s smile only grew at Cas’s characteristic sass.

“Shut up, Cas. You love it.”

“I do. And I love you. And I love your eyes. And I love your smile. And I love your strength. And I love the way you always leave a note on the bedside table when-”

But Cas’s words were lost into Dean’s lips and tongue and teeth.

For years Sam would tease them about being late to their own wedding, but Dean and Cas thought it was definitely worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still here, THANK YOU! Seriously. Just knowing that anyone is reading this makes me VERY happy.


End file.
